Console Player Stereotypes

This post goes towards the console players and the demographic that fits us all so perfectly. We all know people that are like this.

The Eater

thrillist.com

We all love joining a party or game chat just to hear what Xx_deathk1llR_xX had for lunch. These people are probable one of the most annoying when it comes to a relaxing late-night gaming session. We don’t want to hear your Chipotle burrito. Mute your mic.

The Ear Rapist

youtube.com

You’ll just be randomly playing a video game or watching a video when all of a sudden, your friend decides to imitate the sound of a hippo getting railed by barbed wire. These friends are hilarious to have in a party just because of the pure randomness of their actions. If they do it too much however, they are just bound to get kicked from the party.

The Tryhard Ear Rapist

twitch.tv

There’s always that one person that takes things way too seriously and acts like they’re trying out for a professional Rainbow 6 tournament. These people are fun to have in your party for the sole reason that you get enjoyment from their anger and screams. These are also the type of people that will lose in a Call of Duty match and make it impossible for everybody else to trash talk due to the pure volume of his/her voice.

Jerry

Detroitbecomehumanwiki.com

Just your average Jerry.

Mr. Music

newyorktimes.com

This dude can’t help but forcefully turn you on to his music by blaring it into the mic. There are times where this dude’s music is so loud that you can hear his trap beats more than his callouts. If you encounter this individual, it’s best recommended to turn to Mr. Ear Rapist in your party to inform the kind fella that his music is just a tad excessive. A polite “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” would be perfect and simple enough.

The Wind Tunnel

Homedepot.com

This person for some reason is always hot to the point that he/she will always have their fan on and pointed directly into their mics. No matter how much you tell them to turn their fan off, they will always have a faint sound of a wind tunnel in their mics throughout the rest of the party chat. There’s not stopping it.

“I’ll Be Right Back”

content.time.com

This is the type of dude that will say, “Hey hold up I’ll be right back. I gotta piss.” or “Yo I gotta let my dog out. I’ll be right back.” and then remain AFK for the next 30 minutes to an hour. They’ll be gone for so long at times, you think that they’re preparing a meal for 4. Which in reality, is what they do.

All Lag

youtube.com

You can hardly ever get this dude to finish a

The Mute

youtube.com

This dude will make crucial callouts to your team in a match and then rage because you’re not listening to him. When in reality, he’s the idiot because he forgot to unmute his mic. This is a common occurrence with almost all players with a mic.

Mr. Broke

thinkcomputers.com

This person is usually permanently muted because he/she is too poor to even buy a mic or the games that you want to play. This is mainly because this person would rather spend their money on weed or booze. These people are extremely depressing and usually depressed themselves.

That was a brief list of most of my party chat encounters. I know there’s more out there but it would be impossible to name them all.

-Pige

Best Uses For A Greenscreen

Everybody knows that the ways to modern cinema either involves real life locations, CGI, or a green screen. Green screens have been used for multiple cinematic masterpieces, so today I am going to discuss the best uses for green screens around the world.

You Can Literally Be In Minecraft

amazon.com

Why spend your Saturday morning with your family and friends when you could be killing the ender dragon and accidentally falling in lava in real life? Any person with sense would easily choose greenscreen Minecraft over family affection and friendship.

Covering Your Car

http://www.krylon.com

If you’re like me and live in a hot climate and don’t want to walk out to your car literally melting, you could cover your car with your greenscreen and keep it cool. You’re not a director for a movie. So you might as well put some use into your money.

Landing On The Moon For The First Time

http://www.bing.com

We all know that shit never happened, but YOU can be the first to defy the deadly radiation from the sun on the moon’s lack of atmosphere by landing on the moon. While there is little reason why you would need to go there so urgently due to the fact that there isn’t a Cold War anymore but hey, it’ll be fun.

Meet Alan Jackson

This is me

He’s literally everybody’s favorite person on this planet. Why wouldn’t you want to see him. He’s the greatest country star of all time and everybody’s dad. You would be and idiot and I would hate you if you didn’t like him.

War Crimes

16th March 1946: Nazi leader Hermann Goering (1893 – 1946) in the witness box at the Nuremberg War Crime Trials, where he was later sentenced to death. (Photo by Keystone/Getty Images)

We all know we can’t do it in real life…BUT BEHIND A GREENSCREEN YOU CAN. No one will judge you I swear. Mainly because you’ll be by yourself committing these acts of violence against the innocent.

Meet Alan Jackson Again

Me Again

He’s just so cool.

-Evan “Pige”

Best Video Games To Play Alone

When none of your friends are awake and online, you get a feeling of loneliness and isolation that can’t be put into words. When working night shifts, you would tend to find yourself in this situation every weekend. A way to cope with this feeling is to play these certain video games alone. This is a short list of what I came up with.

Assassin’s Creed

youtube.com

With captivating environments and addicting combat, the Assassin’s Creed saga is always a go-to when nobody else is around to join your party or call. The 4th installment of the series, “Black Flag” is a fan favorite around the world for the unique environment and entertaining free-roam mechanics. Also…SHANTIES!

Firewatch

thekoalition.com

This 2016 Campo Santo indie release is a game like no other. Though the main story is short lasting around 4-5 hours, this open-world is a visual masterpiece for anybody looking to just relax and feel free and isolated from anybody else.

Grand Theft Auto

youtube.com

The king of all Rockstar games and a fan favorite all around, any game from the GTA series has hours upon hours of open-world fun for anybody mature enough to play it. Just don’t be that guy that goes into online and ruins everybody’s fun by constantly killing them.

Classic Halo Trilogy

gamerassaultweekly.com

Ah…The great feeling of nostalgia. Whether you were 8 the first time you heard about these games or 18, playing it today gives almost anybody joy. Going back on the old times and remembering all of the fun memories that you had with your friends in custom games and multiplayer. There’s no other feeling.

The Fallout Series

gamespot.com

Of course Bethesda would be on here. While I could have put Skyrim as this entry, due to biased and personal experiences with friends, the Fallout series has one of the greatest communities in gaming history. The entrancing post-apocalyptic world has hundreds of hours of pure entertainment and fun experiences. Whether you started out playing the classic trilogy or began in the latest installment, this series is like no other.

The Metro Series

mobygames.com

There seems to be a trend with post-apocalyptic video games and single-player enjoyment. The incredible immersion in the Metro series is often regarded as the best for any survival-horror game ever made. The desolate environment and the intriguing characters will have you hooked for a very long time.

Minecraft

youtube.com

This wouldn’t be a game list without Minecraft. Minecraft appeals to all ages and its thousands of mods offer years of playing experience and enjoyment. If you believe that there is nobody that wants to play video games with you, hop into a random server and meet new friends. You never know, they might become lifelong.

The Last of Us

youtube.com

Do you want to play one of the most graphically impressive and immersive video games of the modern world? Well look no further than The Last of Us series. There has been great controversy over the story-telling of the most recent release, but if you’re like me and play video games casually and not like a neckbeard, you will enjoy every moment of The Last of Us.

-Evan “Pige”

Greatest Midnight Snacks

Alright listen, we all know that midnight snacks are the best snacks. But to determine which snack is the best is where the debate lies. So I (The Pidge) am going to determine which midnight snack is the most popular and best overall based on my totally credible sources… Here we go.

10.) Hot Pockets

mashed.com

Let’s face it, we all know that pizza or a hot pocket is god-like food to consume late in the evening, but there are its downsides. Let’s start out with the fact that you have to be awake and mobile enough to cook it and eat it. Personally, I never have enough energy to get up out of my bed and have the urge to go cook. This is why I rank it number 10.

9.) Leftovers

thewashingtonpost.com

Leftovers usually tend to sooth people’s sweet spots when it comes to breakfast or lunch for the upcoming week, but from my personal experience, there is nothing else like heating up the dinner that you had the night before when all other fast food delivery services are beginning to close. Leftover pizza or spaghetti is a must-try for a midnight snack.

8.) Soda

youtube.com

We all know that water is delicious in the middle of the night right as you wake up, but have you ever had the sweet taste of an orange soda or a Pepsi as soon as you wake up. I will tell you that there is no other taste in the world than this one. The carbonation and the sweetness of the flavor will sooth and calm down whatever feeling you are experiencing in the moment.

7.) Cereal

youtube.com

Sit down, grab a nice glass of juice, and enjoy the night to yourself by chowing down on some delicious cereal. Cereal was clearly designed for breakfast but because you’re feeling adventurous, you decide that this philosophy does not apply to you any longer. So you chow down and enjoy your own personal freedom of judgement.

6.) A Basic Sandwich

youtube.com

An easy and reliable solution for your hunger in the middle of the night comes with basic fridge-found food between two pieces of bread. This option is often difficult in the middle of the night but extremely rewarding.

5.) Nicotine

youtube.com

If you know, you know. Anybody that consumes nicotine will understand that waking up in the middle of the night in a drunken stuper or just having a bad dream can be easily calmed with a little nicotine. Every smoker can agree that the greatest nicotine buzz of the day is as soon as you wake up.

4.) Taco Bell

doordash.com

When in doubt, always go for the Bell. Always coming in clutch with its late hours, Taco Bell has quenched the hunger and thirst of millions in the wee small hours of the morning. Seriously, if you haven’t, try a burrito at midnight when nobody else is awake.

3.) Water

nameplatesforindustry.com

Your friend that has always been there by your side whenever you’re in need. The basic fluid that controls 70% of your bodies is bound to be in the top three of this list. Drinking water when being awake in the early hours of the morning is both healthy and satisfying.

2.) Gas Station Food

welcome.jobcase.com

Open 24/7. Gas stations are always safe refuge for the hungry late at night. With an extremely large demographic of truckers, night owls, and stoners/drinkers, gas stations have always provided comfort for those needing a late night snack.

1.) Chocolate Cookies

primera.com

The greatest and most popular midnight snack for anybody that wakes up with a sweet tooth. Chocolate cookies are always there for you when you don’t care about your health and only car about satisfaction. The sweet taste will make you feel like a child again and tell your body to relax and stop worrying about what you were thinking about. With an even combination with these cookies and milk, your night will feel just right.

What I Was Gonna Put.) Alcohol

naturalclear.com

Always a good choice when pulling an all-nighter for high-risk, high-reward, alcohol isn’t necessarily the best for going to sleep unless you consume a large amount of it. If you do plan on this, expect to be awake for a few hours regretting what you did. This combined with nicotine will determine how your night is going to go.

Best Ways To Trash Talk In Video Games

The new era of trash talking is here. It all started in the golden days of Halo 3 and Call of Duty. But now that the new era of video games is here, there are new ways that people have discovered to trash talk. This list is to show you how to win every single psychological battle with the other player(s).

5.) Ear Rape

walmart.com

The classic ear rape has been one of the most commonly used methods of trash talking in gaming history. “They can’t trash talk if they can’t hear themselves.” Is the philosophy behind this method. It is quite effective towards people that are clearly trying to shit talk your K/D. It is even more effective if you have an entire team use this strategy for the brief few seconds in between rounds. It does critical damage at all times but is mainly used during evening gaming.

4.) Playing Music On Your Phone

youtube.com

Test out your enemies music taste by blaring your favorite rap or country song into your headset. This tactic is highly effective in getting muted by your targets. When you get muted, that shows that you have shown dominance over your enemies and they are too scared to battle with you. This tactic is highly effective against grown men that can’t take a joke, which is over half of the whole gaming community.

3.) Gamertag

youtube.com

People that have way too many numbers or X’s in their names are naturally bound to be more toxic or sweaty than others. So, the best way to approach and strike these players is to either trash talk their beloved name or come up with your own ridiculous name and become the thing you sought out to destroy. There are not many things that are more infuriating than getting killed by xXx_No0bK1llR_XxX repeatedly. So the solution is to destroy their self esteem by striking their creativity and decision making skills, or lack there of.

2.) Being On The Bottom Of The Team

blog.miniclip.com

When you are doing poorly in a match, there is nothing more entertaining than to trash talk the top player on the other team. This move is highly effective and predictable. When using this move, the person being trash-talked will always reply with the same argument that you gave, making him unoriginal and inferior to your supreme wits. This is a move that trumps many other strategies and destroys your enemies psychologically.

Honorable Mention.) Racism

oldpolitical.com

The most commonly used way to aggravate anybody on the other team is to be highly racist toward them. People that were alive to be a part of the roaring modern racism movement of the late 2000s video games have grown to be immune to this method. But despite recent events in the world, this method has returned and is highly effective towards people that are clearly better than you at video games.

1.) Ole Reliable

harmonica.com

The rarest and most effective method of trash talking is by using Ole Reliable. The least expected and most ear-pain inducing instrument when blared into a mic is the best method of demoralizing your opponents. This method is even more effective when more than one harmonica is being used. Completely throwing your enemies off-guard, this method almost always guarantees a win for your team.

-MiztaPige

2 A.M. At Denny’s

streetmenus.com

Let’s just say that today while working at the water treatment plant, you had a run in with your boss’s ex-wife who happens to be your mom and while looking at her, you think to yourself, “I could really use some fucking pancakes right now.” So you quit your job and out of pure excitement, you speed to your nearest Denny’s at 2 A.M.

freepic.com

After hitting a fire hydrant and walking to your nearest Denny’s, you get seated almost immediately because the place is nearly empty. You look around to see what type of people you’ expect at a 2 A.M. Denny’s. Truckers, 2nd shift workers, theatre kids, and depressed military personnel. The cold air breezing in from outside makes you shiver because you’re still soaking wet from working all day. You get your menu from the semi attractive waitress and decide to yourself that you are going to get breakfast. So you go for the Lumberjack Slam and enjoy your meal. It fills your stomach with joy but it also doesn’t feel right at the same time.

giphy.com

You wake up to the sound of a pan hitting the floor. Mary looks over to you and says, “…Hello? Are you even listening?” You don’t agree and proceed to fillet the breakfast sausages that are laid out in front of you. Mary takes the tongs out of your hand so you take her hand and burn it off with the fryer grease. Screaming in pain, you both call the police. After calling the police, you realize that doing this was a dumb idea and you just now remembered that you forgot your car. So you break through the Wendy’s window and run out into the street searching for your car.

shutterstock.com

You are searching everywhere but you cannot find your car. The police sirens are starting to get louder and the lights are getting closer. In a frantic mad final dash, you hijack a person’s 2004 Toyota Highlander and gun it down 3rd Ave. After 20 minutes of searching, you find the car parked at your house where you left it. Now it is all starting to come back to you. You realized that you sell GHB to teenagers and you accidentally drugged yourself at Denny’s and you’re now waking up from your trip. So after bringing it all together, you calmly go back into your home and lie down in bed, after setting your alarm next to a burnt hand, you go to sleep ready for the day tomorrow.

-MizdaPige

How Much Wood Is Too Much?

northerntool.com

It’s a rainy night and you just burned down a kitchen making waffles. You’re distraught because you can’t enjoy your favorite 2 A.M. meal but you’re feeling something way worse than anger. You’re scared. You’re scared because years ago, you fought a giant battle within yourself. A battle that little make it out of alive, and that’s addiction. You didn’t drink or do any drugs because there was something much better and satisfying to fill the void inside. You realize now, you must go back.

Yelp.com

So you visit the place that started it all. You walk into the automatic doors and after waking up, it all starts coming back to you. The smell, the size, the depressed workers, the gardening section. This feeling has been dormant in your life for years. You begin to cry. “Is everything alright sir?” Says a worker from the Paint Department. “….I-I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt like this.” You say back to the worker. “Felt like what?” The worker asks back.

After making a B-Line to the isle you very so desired in your younger years, it felt like reuniting with an old friend. You get closer to the beautifully cut pallets made from Ash Trees. Sweating, you pick it up and almost drop it because it weighs around 35lbs. This is it. This is exactly what you needed. You grab the nearest cart from an old lady and dump out all of the items on it so you can have room for the intense amount of wood needed to replace the kitchen. The total comes out to be $2,399.99.

chriscrawfordphoto.com

You arrive home after a long 14 minute drive feeling defeated. You have returned to the very thing you sought out to destroy. It’s still rainy and every pallet that you carry up to your house ends up soaking wet. The feeling of nostalgia is too much for you to handle. You break down into tears. “I just thought that it would be all over.” You say to yourself silently.

pintrest.com

You wake up from your depressive sleep. All of the wood in the truck has been moved to the house. You look around and see nobody around you. It’s like you did all of this without even having any recollection. The wood is sitting in your house and you say that it’s time. Time to rebuild. You grab your hammer and nails and begin to layout the outline of the floor. While doing this, you hit something under one of the carpets. You rip it out and discover something forgotten about. With no expression or emotion, you pick up the dead Home Depot worker from earlier and place him under your new floorboards. Sealing him away forever.

ebay.com

Your addiction has become uncaged. You become less and less of yourself after each strike of the hammer. You have realized that it has become too much. So as you make your last few strikes of the hammer, you look up to see that one thing has survived the fire. You pick up your Home Depot employee of the month plaque and proceed to bury it along side your old self under the pallets. Forever.

-A story by MiztaPige

The Rise of Underground Music Due to COVID-19

Eastbayexpress.com

The old is becoming new again. Repeated and processed music on mainstream radio stations are dying. With people being quarantined because of COVID-19, they are beginning to grow tired of the same song being played every 30 minutes while they’re on a drive. Therefore, underground music is making a colossal rise in popularity.

http://www.tickets.expert

There is a large population of Americans in the current state that we are living in that have grown old to hearing the same manufactured junk that is produced by large corporations only used to make profit. The public knows that the art of creative writing has died in places like Hollywood and Nashville. Because they know this, a new musical renaissance has begun varying amongst all different genres. New styles are being created and the old is returning. Beautiful art has been returning for a while but now it is finally being recognized and we are all glad to see it.

Amazon.com/Music

Since the beginning of its start, YouTube has become the largest website for promoting upcoming and rising musicians. It is where record companies and famous musicians look when they want to find someone new. Some of the most famous musicians on mainstream radio started out on YouTube. Examples are Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber. These artists however, were in the old days of modern music. As stated in the previous paragraphs, mainstream radio is dying and people are going back to the old ways of discovering art, and the way that most are doing that is through YouTube.

Examples of Growing Artists and Genres

1.) Zach Bryan

YouTube.com

This rising country/folk musician began his musical journey on the internet when he posted a live solo version of his song “Heading South” on September 6th, 2019. Since that post, he has earned over 4 million views on YouTube and 7.5 million downloads on Spotify.

2.) Billy Strings

http://www.jambase.com

Combining the genres of bluegrass, folk, and metal, Billy Strings began his musical popularity when he posted a solo acoustic version of his song “Dust In A Baggie” on YouTube around a decade ago. That song randomly began appearing in people’s recommended during the start of 2020 and since then, that song has over 11 million views on YouTube and 3.5 million downloads on Spotify.

Electro Swing

gfycat.com

“The Roaring 20s are back!” This style of music originated before the 2020s but now that the time has finally come, this criminally underrated genre of music is enough to get you out of you chair and dance along. The old vinyl sound of the original swing songs mixed with the new wave of music production has turned thousands of people on with its creativity. Following this genre and originating in Germany, the style of Electro Swing dance has grown massively in popularity due to people being quarantined and dying of boredom. There are hundreds of electro swing playlists out there and dozens of 24/7 YouTube livestreams. Creativity has struck the eyes of many artists with this genre.

Go Out There and Explore!

VideoHive.com

-MistaPige

Best Ways to Unwind for Men

Have you ever felt stressed out from a long days of work or having to constantly listen to your girl bitch about how you don’t pay enough attention to her? It sounds like you need to unwind buddy. Everybody needs their relaxation time, so here’s a list I comprised on how men can unwind in 2020.

1.) Become a woman

Angry woman screaming against her husband with his face deformed by the power of the scream kid101.com

Now YOU can be the bitch that’s constantly fishing for compliments and when your man realizes it, you can act petty and act like he’s the one that’s not giving you enough attention or compliments. It works every time. Or when you go out to eat, you can tell your man that you can pay for the meal and when he accepts, you’ll use that scenario down the line in a future argument that he wasn’t even caring or polite enough to pay for the meal that you specifically said that you’d pay for. It just works.

2.) Milk and Cigarettes

Reddit.com

What better combination on this planet is better than milk and cigarettes? From personal experience, I have learned that after a hard days of work, there is nothing better to unwind than to grab a large glass of whole milk and a pack of Marlboro Reds and let them carry my night away. The pure thickness of the whole milk combined with the smooth taste of smoke going into your lungs is like no other. By golly if that doesn’t convince ya, I don’t know what will.

3.) Breaking into a butcher shop

Businessstandard.com

You can’t beat YOUR meat because you’re too tired, so you get the idea to beat other peoples’. But because you’re not a homosexual, you break into your local butcher shop after hours and proceed to beat the SHIT out of the slabs of pig Rocky style. It’s like the only fight that you’re training for is the battle between you and your ever ending suffering. Except that this battle is happening already and there’s basically no hope. But hey, there’s meat in front of you and your hands are free so fuckin send it.

4.) Draw a Ship

I literally fucking drew this

When in doubt, draw a ship. That’s always been my motto ever since I first looked up how to draw a ship on YouTube because I was extremely bored and depressed. And yaknow what, I’m not as depressed as I was whenever I get into situations that involve ship drawings. I now use it as my marking symbol wherever I go. Zorro had a Z, I have a ship. So basically I’m more talented than Zorro.

5.) Just Don’t

Harvard.com

Just give up and accept it man. Your girl is gonna leave you sooner or later because they’re all fucking crazy. They won’t understand you and your reasoning because they all think the same when it comes to you. You should just go home and aimlessly watch useless YouTube videos on how to build a house with prehistoric tools. Or you could do what a lot of guys do, get obsessed with cars and put all of your investments towards a machine. Nobody except other lost car guys will care and you’ll just find yourself going down a rabbit hole of financial debt and fast food. Just go home, go to bed, and cry.

Accidental Racism

Have you ever found yourself dying on a street curb because you looked at an Asian man funny? They aren’t in your neighborhood that much so it was a shocker right? Well… It apparently is now. APPARENTLY people are considered racist because of cultural anomalies. Imagine this, you are an African American man living in a rough part of the city. It’s been months since you’ve seen any sign of an Asian around. You work nights and get off of your long 12 hour shift to go get some groceries for your beautiful woman waiting for you at home. While you’re at the grocery store in the vegetable isle, you hear a voice over your shoulder, “Hey Sir,are these tomatoes always this size and color over here?” You get frightened. The last time you remotely seen anything regarding Asian culture was when you watched the original Karate Kid with your woman months ago. You also realize that this situation is strange because if you went to Asia and asked the same question to some random local, they’d give the same response. You accidentally think racist thoughts in your head because of these types of situations.

I’ll give you a realistic example of accidental racism in children. Go back in time to elementary school and remember the time that your class was read “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” and the N word just came right out of left field? Our tiny minds weren’t familiar with the history behind that story and many of the white kids in the class have never heard that word before. As a result and kids being kids, they’d like to repeat things that they’d find new. On the ride with their parents home from school, they would start to describe what they learned in school and also describe their fellow African American classmates as the new word that they learned. Accidentally, that word and the racism that’s associated with it becomes a part of their lives forever.

So whether you’re at a Chinese restaurant and you can’t pronounce the menu items correctly or you’re dwelling on your past reactions towards a race group you haven’t seen in months. Everybody has accidentally had racist thoughts occur in their heads and if someone were to agree, they would be wrong because it is human nature to be surprised by something that is not a part of their everyday life. There is no need to be down on yourself about these things. It happens to the best of us. So the next time you’re at a Chinese restaurant thinking to yourself, “How in the absolute fuck is this pronounced?” Be aware in that moment that you are accidentally being racists towards the communist regime that is China.