Tag: comedy blog

Iconic Internet Names

As an adult, one of the first and most important decisions you have to make is who your internet provider will be. However once that has been decided the next most important thing will define how you’re perceived by your neighbors and house guests alike, naming your internet router. As somebody who jumped on this opportunity and never looked back, naming my home internet “Router? I hardly know her!”, I feel I am more than qualified to guide you down this path of immortality.

Literally From My Iphone

1. Girls Gone Wireless

Awwmemes.com

Imature yet cunning! For the generation that grew up watching televised spring break bikini shows and sneaking onto the world wide web to type in everyone’s favorite three word combination, Girls Gone Wild, this name provides great nostalgia and childish giggles by who view it!

2.Bill Clinternet

Reddit.com

C’mon, we all know what you’re using this one for! A clever play on words, this router name is best put to use in an office setting. Perfect for dress shopping or even just deleting email, Bill Clinternet works best as a private WiFi server, however, may I suggest Monica LuPasskey as the password?

3. It Hurts When IP

The Sun

You can’t beat the classics! If you’ve ever seen a meme post about WiFi names I’m sure this one has graced your screen. A grade A example of less is more, It hurts when IP is an instant classic that has definitely prompts a quick screenshot! Immature, yes. Worth It, Hell yes. This one is bound to show your neighbors your true maturity level. Bonus! If your neighbors are not in the know about what an IP Address is, you’ll get double the judgement.

4. No More Mr. WiFi

Twitter.com @KunKart

This one’s for you fellow music fanatic! Now yes, yes “No more Mr. Nice guy” is a very common yet cheesy quote. However, For argument’s sake, lakes just say I hope and pray Alice Cooper has this as his home router name! No More Mr. WiFi just will instantly infect those who see it with Alice Cooper on the brain and quite honestly kind of sounds like Weird Al’s next big hit!

5. _______________ Police

memeguy.com

A more niche entry, So niche in fact I couldn’t even find an imagen of it! While “Police Surveillance Van” is fun, it is also highly cliche. One I have experienced in real life by a neighbor I’ve never met but greatly respect. The router simply read the name of my city police department. So for example if you live in Dallas, the WiFi would be named “Dallas Police Department”. Working exponentially better for small towns, I can safely say it caught me by surprise the first time I saw it.

10/10 would recommend.

6. Banter

imgur

Perfect for apartment life, if you see the opportunity take it! Who needs chat rooms, forums, or even social media? As long as you have a connection and a gullible neighbor, you’ve got hours of entertainment! Harder and harder to come by in 2020, Should you find yourself in this situation, please for the rest of us, document it with plenty of images!

7. You Are The Weakest Linksys

Pintrest.com

This one is for everyone who grew up with that little blue box! Before we dive into this, Whoever used this idea in the picture above, props to you but next time double check your spelling. You are the weakest Linksys is phenomenal on so many levels. A major shout out to anyone who grew up watching the popular game show Weakest Link, as well as the niche group of select individuals who have used/heard of Linksys! This wins all the creativity points for cleverness!

Honorable Mentions

It is at this point I must limit this list to 8 items, or run the risk of an endless selection of dumb names. Below are just a few of the creative internet names that almost made the list!

  • Get Your Own Damn WiFi
  • I’m Cheating On my WiFi
  • The Promise LAN
  • Wu-Tang LAN
  • LANdo Calrissian
  • Keep It On The Download
  • My Own Damn WiFi!
  • John Wilkes Bluetooth
  • Yell “Penis” For Password

8. Loading, Scanning, Virus

HowToMob

Am I cheating cramming these into one entry, maybe. Do I care, No. All getting across the same point, presumably scaring the illinformed. Make anyone within connection range believe they are either waiting for possible connections to load(Searching…), waiting for their device to connect(Connecting…), or above all else thinking they may have accidentally been connected to a virus infected server. Be it “Virus” or “Trojan.exe” knowing you may have given those looking for a quick free connection a momentary gasp of shock is the ultimate sign of a job well done.

Let me know your WiFi names in the comments below and be sure to follow along with StylesRebelRadio.com for more exclusive content!

-Stye

https://athlonsports.com/funny-wifi-names

Feature image credit: GeekDashboard.com

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I Lost My Job Over Salt

I remember it like it was yesterday, I was working as an assistant to the owner of a multimillion dollar enterprise. I was in charge of keeping the house in order, providing council, and most importantly I was entrusted with keeping some of the biggest secrets not only in the company but the city as well. As a very highly respected and beloved member of the community my boss Bruce depended on me in order help keep his affairs in order for his day to day life. This wasn’t any ordinary job for me, I wasn’t simply a housekeeper or a live in, this was my life’s work.

Photo by Lukas on Pexels.com

It was crisp fall evening when I brought in the abnormally large stack of mail from the box. As I handed it off to my boss I awaited for him to return the letters he had deemed important to file away. He opened up an envelope embroidered in elaborate detail including a golden seal completing the ensemble. When he had finished reading the letter, he glanced up at me and cracked a coy smile. Informing me he had been invited to an elegant dinner tonight courtesy of some of the town’s highest entrepreneurs, he handed me the paper and retreated to his quarters to get ready. When he emerged from his room, he suddenly halted in his tracks. Looking directly at me in confused manner, Bruce exclaimed, “Well what are you waiting for we have to get going!” Unbenounced to me, he had expected me to join him on this outing. Quicky I raced to my room and threw on my best suit before joining my boss in the car.

Photo by Vlad Alexandru Popa on Pexels.com

Arriving at the restaurant, we took our seats across the table from one another as the waitress began to take drink orders. We sat among some of the most powerful men in the entire city. I listened intently as my boss discussed business strategy and marketing techniques to his fellow entrepreneurs. As our drinks arrived the conversation swelled. An hour had passed seamlessly as our food began to arrive. Conversation ceased as we all began to indulge in the five star meal we had received. A phenomenal blend of seafood and pasta the flavor was exquisite, except for one thing. It needed salt. I glanced over the table to find the salt shaker sitting just right of my boss Bruce on the other side of the table.Slowly my nerves began to build as I did not want to speak out of turn and offset the wondrous evening. Composing myself I had finally worked up enough courage inside to ask for the salt. Slowly setting down my fork I uttered the words that would ultimately haunt me for the rest of my life. Over the silent table full of the most powerful men in town I calmly muttered, “Batman, could you pass the salt?” Everyone’s utensils dropped and mouths fell agape in awe. The most important secret I have ever been in charge of keeping was out. Bruce Wayne quickly got up and made a B-line for his car.

Sick Chirpse

Two weeks later after having no contact I receive my termination letter in the mailbox of my decrepit hotel room located underneath the highway to the airport. Last I heard, he had hired some guy named Alfred to take my place.

-Style

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The Trick To Buying Booze Past 10pm

Ohio State Governor Mike DeWine has issued an emergency ruling stating that the sale of alcohol in bars and restaurants will be limited to 10pm. Should this ruling be approved by The Ohio Liquor Control Commision, it will be put into effect July 31st 2020. Not only will this proposal ban the sale of alcohol past 10pm but it also declares that any previously served beverages are to be finished by the 11 o’clock hour. Many citizens of Ohio as well as surrounding states now fear the removal of alcohol sales from gas stations as well as the closure of state liquor stores.

Cincinnati Enquirer

So now what, you get off work after a long day and want to sit down and grab a drink with a couple buddies, low and behold there isn’t a place within 100 miles that will provide you the alcohol. Fear not, there is an alternative! I’ve compiled a handful of ways of ensure you will still be able to get plastered while Mike DeWine leveys for prohibition!

Mashed.com

1.What About Mouthwash?

YouTube

When it comes down to it you can’t beat the classics. Trevor Moore put it best, “You don’t need ID to buy it and you can’t show up too late”. While we here at StylesRebelRadio.com in no way support underage drinking, mouthwash has been known to deliver in large quantities to consenting adults. Don’t forget that minty fresh breath!

2. Rub It In, Rub It In

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Cracking open a first aid kit with the boys? Hell it is in the name! Desperate times call for desperate measures why not clean up your boo boos on the inside as well as the out! Just keep the number for poison control near by.

3. Clean Up Before She Comes

Photo by Uva Rova on Pexels.com

Look good, smell good, feel good. Cologne typically contains alcohol somewhere between 50 and 90 percent! On the flip side of that if you’ve ever had to get all gussied up in a hurry, you can probably vouge for the fact no matter how good it may smell, cologne will never taste as good.

4. At Least It’s Clean… Right?

Photo by Lucas Pezeta on Pexels.com

Alright now hear me out, Windshield wiper fluid contains methanol as a prime ingredient. Methanol is actually an extreme industrial alcohol , so yes.. this would get you pretty plastered. I mean hell, Juul pods contain the same chemical components as antifreeze and people actually smoke those!

If you’ve made it to this section of the article I’d assume you are smart enough to not try any of these. I don’t think I really need to but just in case there was any doubt, This article is entirely satirical and noting listed above should ever be consumed in any fasit. Neither I, Nor anybody at StylesrebelRadio.com condone any form of underage drinking or the consumption of any of the items listed above. As always, drink responsibly.

-Style

https://www.alcohol.org/alcoholism/household-products-abuse/ https://abc6onyourside.com/news/local/ohio-governor-proposes-10-pm-last-call-for-alcohol-in-bars-and-restaurants
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Mandatory Mask Mandate Loopholes

If you are in the hefty majority of states whose governors have now decided they are above the lawmaking process and have deemed the use of masks “mandatory” by their own orders, fear not! While these mandates are NOT laws and cannot be upheld as such, there are still many ill informed people who believe they are and will not hesitate to call the hotline in hopes some higher power will tyrannically fine you. So, for those of you who didn’t sleep through US Gov. class in highschool but are sick of those pesky Karen’s giving you “the look”, I have complied some alternative options you can use to stick it to the Karens while still following the “Mandatory” mask mandates.

First things first let’s examine (for the state of OH) what this mask mandate entails. According to News5Cleveland.com, ” Mike DeWine issued an order Tuesday making masks mandatory for counties in the state where the rampant spread of coronavirus continues to be a rising threat…It will be mandatory for those out in public to wear a mask under the following circumstances:
-When they are in any indoor location that is not a residence.
-When they are outside and unable to maintain a six-foot distance from those not in their household.
-When they are riding or driving in public transportation or ride-sharing.”

Alright cool, now that that’s out of the way, we also need to address that the following parties have been excluded from this mandate: Children Under the age of 10, Anyone with a pre existing medical condition that could be affected by the use of a mask,anyone communicating with the hearing impaired, or anyone working from a home office.

The last thing we need to clarify is the definition of a “mask”. Oxford Dictionary defines a mask as,” covering for all or part of the face”. With that in mind, we now proceed to your alternate options/loopholes for the mask mandates.

1. Gimpin’ Ain’t Easy

soundcloud.com

Alright, let’s run it down! The gimp mask 100% complies with the definition of a full or partial face covering. Perfect for complete and utter domination in the bedroom or just grabbing a bite to eat at your local Sheetz. Time to check out? No problem! Simply unzip the mouth covering for easy and unmuffled communication.

2.Wazzzzzzzuppppp

Wbal-TV

What’s your favorite Scary Movie? Face covering, Check. While it might not be the most convenient for airflow purposes, the rubber features will provide you with a scent that harkens back to a cool crisp Halloween night in October of 2008. Just don’t be seen around an all star cast of high schoolers and TV news crew.

3. War.. War never changes.

9Gag

In the case of a real global pandemic, there is no greater benefactor than the classic gas mask. The gas mask is a full face covering ventilator that allows the filtration of clean compressed air. A stable of every post apocalyptic, dystopian, or doom stricken future movie, game, or show, you simply cannot have a global apocalypse without the gas mask. In all actuality, this is what you would actually need to wear should a killer virus with a high mortality rate were to occur.

4. Follow The Buzzard

Tom Banwell Designs

Not only does it cover your face, you gain a rockin beak with a leather smell! The black plague saw the rise of the plague doctor mask, and if they can handle that, they can handle the “pandemic” that everyone has seemingly forgot was supposedly caused by a bat.

5. Somebody Stop Me!

PicClick

Try and tell me I don’t have a mask, and witness me whip out the 1994 Jim Carrey The Mask! Like the Frank’s Red Hot lady, I’ve always got that thang on me! Now… when it comes to covering your face it’s quite a simple fix, like the old montra goes, Duct Tape fixes everything.

6. Dial It Up

ElementGaming Via YouTube.com

Onto my personal favorite, as well as one I’ve actually used, The Luchador mask. Face covering? Yep! Always remember your face is not your mouth. I can speak from personal experience that not only does it meet the qualifications of being a mask, asking to remove a luchadores mask is one of the most insulting and disrespectful things you can do in as in Lucha culture masks represent honor and often heritage.

-Style

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The Night I Locked Myself Out Of My House

First Class locksmith

Picture it, the mean streets of Lincoln Nebraska , 2016. I had just finished my shift at the smelling salts factory and was on my way home for the evening. Roughly seven miles from my house I decided to pull through the drive-thru of the nearest Taco Bell/ KFC joint restaurant. As I rolled up to the window I decided to order a number 13 combo, Two hard shell taco supremes with a large Baja Blast and a side of the Colonel’s famous home style gravy on the side. The order came to a total of $13.76 which I respectfully paid for with a crisp twenty dollar bill. Pulling into the nearest parking space, I decided to eat my meal in my car before continuing my drive home. As I finished my meal I placed the remaining crumbs along with the associated wrappers in the empty yellow dollar store bag that had been lying in the backseat of my 2003 Chevy Cobalt. As I began pulling out of the parking lot I decided to turn on my car radio where I was pleasantly greeted by the 1999 Grammy award winning hit single Smooth by Carlos Santana featuring the vocals of Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty . The dolsot yet spicy tones soothed me on my drive home.

Upon arriving at my house, I park my car, gather my belongings and get set to head inside. At my door I reach down to grab the keys off of my belt loop only to find the keys to my house are missing. In a panic I began looking around in the driveway as well as the floorboards of my car in search of my house keys. After 3 continuous hours of searching I finally had stumbled across my keys in the small herb garden outside of my front door. A sigh of relief swept over me as I began to raise my keys to the lock. In horrifying shock I noticed that my keys were not unlocking the door! I began pulling and yanking on the door frantically pleading for it to open. Hours had gone by and all of my neighbors had gathered outside to see what was happening. Finally reaching my breaking point, I decided to grab the can of body spray from my car along with my lighter. As I prepared to utilize my last resort, I sparked up my lighter. It was then out of the corner of my eye I realized the address. This was not my house.

Sluggishly returning to my car, I fired up the ignition and began my drive to my actual house. I arrived at the house that showed my home address, unlocked the door and collapsed in exhaustion on my furnitureless living room floor.

-Style

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