Todd Howardisms

The day of reckoning has come and love him or hate him, Todd Howard and the Bethesda team are now under the management of Microsoft. Above all else this means Todd Howard has achieved his greatest feat yet, he has sold Skyrim again. This time is the heist of the century however, $7.5 Billion. The master plan does not end there however, with the overwhelming popularity of Game Pass, Todd will be selling Skyrim to Xbox users every single month for the foreseeable future. While the future of Todd presenting the newest Bethesda titles may be up in the air, we can always look back at the wise words he has left us in the past.

“It Just Works”

tenor

There is absolutely no way we are running down the best Howardisms without kicking it off with THE most quoted line of all. “It Just Works”. Picture it, E3 2019, Bethesda Softworks own Todd Howard takes the stage, rumors have filled the air about a brand new Fallout title but have been supported by whispers of a new Skyrim variant. Then boom, there it is. Fallout 4. You sat in awe at the new iteration of the series was unveiled. The gameplay rolls on the screen as Godd Howard’s voice projects over the audience. As he explains the new world design, lore and mechanics, One assurance was made. “It Just Works”. From the game studio with more bugs than an insect exhibit, the lie that defined the future of the product and spawned millions of mems, “It Just Works”.

“Who’s Laughin’ Now?”

tenor

Coming off the cult success of the Oblivion title, ZeniMax Media’s Todd Howard sat down for a one on one interview to discuss his most recent works. During this encounter, Todd recalls how in school while other students dreamed of playing professional football, Todd always planned on becoming a game developer. To all those who doubted him Todd had one simple message, “Who’s Laughin’ Now”. Of course because the internet exists and we are all equally awful people this too was subject to become top meme material but hey, Who’s laughin now?

“You Dork, Go Back To The Chess Club

During his infamous “Who’s laughin’ now” interview came anither great line that was sadly overlooked. While the internet latched onto the previously stated line, the exclamation that follows is equally as funny in that same regard. Todd explains that while sharing his dreams of designing video games the general consensus from his peers was, “You dork, Go back to the chess club”. The line is delivered with such straight face monotone conviction that one cannot help but laugh, not to mention after a few breif moments of silence he follows it up with, “… yes I was in the chess club”. Classic Todd.

“As Far As Stupid Gimmicks Go, It’s The Best Fucking One”

gfycat

When the inhumane Godd Howard begins his reign of game unveiling he knows no bounds and can not be stopped! Alongside the introduction of Fallout 4, Todd showcased a real life Pip-boy 3000 that would be available with the collectors addition. Well surely this is a prop and will not have an actual electronic display the naïve audience collectively thought. Wrong you are peasants answered the divine one! Todd reviled that along with the Pip-boy came an app that acted as a second screen for your Fallout 4 experience. However, Todd was not shy to express his feeling s on how distracting he finds the second screen experience before quickly ensuring us all, “As far as stupid gimmicks go this is the best fucking one.” The man strikes again, dropping a hard F-bomb right there in the center of the E3 stage simply because he is Godd Howard and knows no mortal man can stop him.

“Glows In The Fucking Dark”

destructoid.com

There is no stopping this man. Another E3, another Fallout special edition. This time around Fallout 76 was announced to include a functional power armor helmet for special edition packages, but only that, as Todd so eloquently put it, the special edition would also include an in game map that, “Glows in the fucking dark.” Todd, this is why we love ya. The power of Godd Howard knows no social filters and it has since become the stuff of meme expectation for Todd to get so excited during a game announcement that he must drop the F-bomb.

“There Are Very Few Things as Good as Fallout”

Jumping back over to E3 and the presentation of Fallout 4, what better way to introduce your newest addition to the franchise than with a firm pat on your own back. While it’s amazing to hear him mutter in shaken confidence, we cannot exactly disagree with the man. Upon taking the stage an recounting how far video games have come in society, Todd take a deep breath before stumbling trough one of the greatest lines in E3 history. “There are very few things as good as Fallout”. The crowd, dressed to the nines in vault 101 jump suits, erupt along with all the viewers at home. A bold claim? Absolutely, Is he wrong though is the real question. The series will always have bugs, flaws, and skeptics but regardless of individual titles and opinions when it comes down to it, as a game, as a series, a story, and a community, when it comes to entertainment, There are very few things as good, as fallout.

“Sometimes It Doesn’t Just Work”

Oh Todd, there has never been such a strong love hate relationship as the one between the fallout community towards your leadership. Upon revealing the completely online and first ever multiplayer Fallout, Fallout 76, fans of the series were immediately divided between excitement and fear of what this may bring. While the ability to finally explore the waste with friends was on the table, so was the lingering reputation of Bethesda’s engine development. Fortunately enough for us Father Howard shared these mixed emotions as well as he introduced the Fallout 76 Beta dubbed, the Break-it Early Test Application. Now why would a man with the confidence of a god seem unsure about the quality of his engine? To quoke the man directly, he had read on the internet that, “Sometimes, It doesn’t just work”. We love you Todd. The Godd has become self-aware.

In all seriousness I am a die hard Fallout fan through and through, while people may disagree about certain entries in the series or have issues with overall bugs in gameplay, we cannot forget how much time and effort has gone into this project and how much of an impact it has had on our lives. For that we do have to give credit where credit is due to Todd Howard and all the devs from Bethesda. I encourage everyone to go and rewatch both the Fallout 4 and 76 E3 presentations as even though they may not have turned out exactly as you wanted, going back and watching them still gives you that old magic feeling of a new Fallout title.

Let me know what some of your favorite Todd Howardisms are as well as what you think the future holds for Bethesda Softworks under the banned of Microsoft by using the Discord link below! Turn on notifications to keep up to date with all the latest events and happenings and get behind the scenes access to The Rebel Podcast!

-Style

10 Top Songs That Excite White People

No matter if you’re chilling at a bar or that special celebration there’s always that group of random ass songs white people love to play let’s get into it

1. Rehab – Bartender Song (sitting at the bar) this song is a top classic it’s more of a mixture of rap and rock and its a party favorite

https://youtu.be/pdEvL6jxUYA

2. Limp Bizkit – Break Stuff this song right here is a good fighting song definitely a fan favorite who doesn’t need a little Fred Durst in they’re life ya know what I’m saying?


https://youtu.be/ZpUYjpKg9KY

3. Beastie boys – (you gotta) Fight for your right (To party) this song is a party starter everyone knows the famous saying the beastie boys didn’t fight for your right to party to be drinking a white Claw

https://youtu.be/eBShN8qT4lk

4. Blink 182 – All The Small Things Let’s face if everyone misses Tom the band isn’t the same without him everyone still bumps they’re older music

https://youtu.be/9Ht5RZpzPqw

5. Neil Diamond – Sweet Caroline Now it’s time for the oldies this song is mainly for fairs or festivals it’s a poplar group sing along

https://youtu.be/1vhFnTjia_I

6. Elton John – Rocket man A great song that comes from the heart when this song is played the crowed goes nuts a popular karaoke song in bars

https://youtu.be/DtVBCG6ThDk

7. Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers – Free Fallin a classic start to the night everyone enjoys this toon on the touch toon thing at the bar and it’ll get the bar going

https://youtu.be/1lWJXDG2i0A

8. Bon Jovi – Shot Through The Heart A classic that gets the bar ROARING definitely sing along you play this and the bar automatically thinks they’re lead singers

https://youtu.be/1lWJXDG2i0A

9. Journey – Don’t Stop Believing alright we all know this one right here but once you play this this PEOPLE go insane I’ve witnessed some crazy stuff from people standing on top of the bar dancing like an idiot to it starting bar fights don’t ask me people dig the song

https://youtu.be/1k8craCGpgs

10. Kid Rock- All Summer Long no matter what the what the season is this song is ALWAYS being played it’s more of a end of the night type of song but it’s majorly popular and typically played twice a night maybe three times it seems like no one ever upset that song is over played

https://youtu.be/aSkFygPCTwE

The Best and Worst Let’s Players

If 2020 has given us anything, it’s the chance to sit on our couch as our life rots away around us. You could spend this time learning a life skill or bettering yourself in different aspects of your life but instead you spend this time watching video games. The key word there being ‘watching’. In a world full of people demanding instant gratification we cannot simply be expected to play through an entire video game level by level, defeating our enemies and earning our praises. Absolutely not! Luckily for us let’s plays exist. For those who don’t frequent living victoriously through internet personalities, a let’s play is defined as “One or more people, usually from message boards, that record themselves playing video games through screenshots or captured video (Mostly the latter)” by Urban Dictionary. Just like any other job, there are people who are good at it, and those who are bad at it. Compiled below are some of the best and worst the internet has to offer!

Best

Markiplier

Starting up in May of 2012, Markiplier took to the interwebs creating gaming content the likes of which were largely unknown. Many years and many, many videos later, Mark sits comfortably among the top of the YouTube gaming community. Known for his compelling voice and over the top reactions, Markiplier has gained a following of 26.8 Million subscribers and for good reason. Mark seems to be the total package when it comes to the Let’s Play community bringing both sophisticated and sophomoric humor to his game play while more often then not still being able to buckle down and beat a series in a reasonable amount of time.

Worst

Ninja

Talk about finding your demographic and milking it for all it’s got. Rising to popularity seemingly overnight Richard Blevins, otherwise known as Ninja, gained his popularity playing the 2017 free battle royal game Fortnite. Being that this game’s primary demographic consists of children, Ninja wasted no time pumping out game play and commentary tailor fit to that demo. In this case it really is a matter of quantity over quality, I strongly urge anyone who hasn’t yet to attempt and sit through a Ninja stream, you will quickly find a lack of any verbal substance or attempt to provide comedic or thought provoking dialect. The issue comes from the fact, Fortnite being the hot new trend in the young gaining world led mainstream media to select Ninja to represent the face of the let’s play community in their narrative, not to mention he refuses to stream with anyone of the female gender. Not to take anything away from his dedication to the game, but if you have arrived at his channel seeking variety you will be very disappointed. Apart from the occasional one off, the hefty majority of Ninja’s videos are exactly what you would expect, Fortnite game play and more Fortnite game play. Stick to what you know I suppose, he seems to be doing just fine with his 24 Million subs backing him up.

Best

Game Grumps

What happens when well known comedy content creator JonTron joins forces with fellow NewGrounds.com OG creator Egoraptor, pure gold. While Arin and Jon began tearing up the YouTube community with their brash and bold comedy game play back in 2012, it was not until Jon’s departure and replacement with Dan Avidan the following year the channel really began to take off. Involving two genuinely funny and creative individuals, Game Grumps tick all the boxes. Providing compelling game play including some of the most abstract and anticipated games of all time partnered with over the top situational and relatable comedy, The Grumps take let’s plays to the next level. Never afraid to expand or try new things for their community Game Grumps have previously expanded their content to involve a series for Steam based games as well as multiplayer arcade style party games. In more recent times, The Game Grumps have capitalized on their Guest Grumps series involving some truly iconic celebrities and comedians, as well as launching a weekly live action show entitled simply, The Grumps.

Best

SuperMega

Friends of and former co-workers of the Game Grumps, Matt and Ryan provide their own unique game play experience. If you are a long time fan of The Grumps who fears that they have lost their crude edge over the years SuperMega may be just the place for you. Never afraid to push a few boundaries or do what ever it takes to commit to the joke, Matt and Ryan go the extra mile to provide quality and humorous content for their viewers. Banking not only on their killer comedic timing but their bold and abrupt editing style, their simple videos always seem to be comedy gold. In addition to their Let’s Plays, SuperMega also provides their viewers with a weekly podcast as well as frequent live action sketches.

Worst

ProJared

What can best be described as a boring video game reviewer to begin with, ProJared doubled down when he decided to do the same on his personal life. Jared’s videos have always been vanilla, using the absolute bare bones approach to game review as well as let’s plays. He did his research and presented you with his findings but if you are tuning in for his witty commentary or comedic timing prepare for it to fall short. A relativity mediocre gaming channel at most suffered the end all be all when in 2019 Jared was accused of cheating on his then wife while also soliciting nude photographs to his fan base. This marked the end of ProJared, while he may still produce his watered down content, his channel will never recover.

These are just a few of the highs and lows in the Let’s Play community and I would love to hear who you think the best and worst Let’s Players are below!

-Style

I Lost My Job Over Salt

I remember it like it was yesterday, I was working as an assistant to the owner of a multimillion dollar enterprise. I was in charge of keeping the house in order, providing council, and most importantly I was entrusted with keeping some of the biggest secrets not only in the company but the city as well. As a very highly respected and beloved member of the community my boss Bruce depended on me in order help keep his affairs in order for his day to day life. This wasn’t any ordinary job for me, I wasn’t simply a housekeeper or a live in, this was my life’s work.

Photo by Lukas on Pexels.com

It was crisp fall evening when I brought in the abnormally large stack of mail from the box. As I handed it off to my boss I awaited for him to return the letters he had deemed important to file away. He opened up an envelope embroidered in elaborate detail including a golden seal completing the ensemble. When he had finished reading the letter, he glanced up at me and cracked a coy smile. Informing me he had been invited to an elegant dinner tonight courtesy of some of the town’s highest entrepreneurs, he handed me the paper and retreated to his quarters to get ready. When he emerged from his room, he suddenly halted in his tracks. Looking directly at me in confused manner, Bruce exclaimed, “Well what are you waiting for we have to get going!” Unbenounced to me, he had expected me to join him on this outing. Quicky I raced to my room and threw on my best suit before joining my boss in the car.

Photo by Vlad Alexandru Popa on Pexels.com

Arriving at the restaurant, we took our seats across the table from one another as the waitress began to take drink orders. We sat among some of the most powerful men in the entire city. I listened intently as my boss discussed business strategy and marketing techniques to his fellow entrepreneurs. As our drinks arrived the conversation swelled. An hour had passed seamlessly as our food began to arrive. Conversation ceased as we all began to indulge in the five star meal we had received. A phenomenal blend of seafood and pasta the flavor was exquisite, except for one thing. It needed salt. I glanced over the table to find the salt shaker sitting just right of my boss Bruce on the other side of the table.Slowly my nerves began to build as I did not want to speak out of turn and offset the wondrous evening. Composing myself I had finally worked up enough courage inside to ask for the salt. Slowly setting down my fork I uttered the words that would ultimately haunt me for the rest of my life. Over the silent table full of the most powerful men in town I calmly muttered, “Batman, could you pass the salt?” Everyone’s utensils dropped and mouths fell agape in awe. The most important secret I have ever been in charge of keeping was out. Bruce Wayne quickly got up and made a B-line for his car.

Sick Chirpse

Two weeks later after having no contact I receive my termination letter in the mailbox of my decrepit hotel room located underneath the highway to the airport. Last I heard, he had hired some guy named Alfred to take my place.

-Style

Most Compelling Covers

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so they say. When it comes to music, cover songs can either make or break a band. Often times covers undergo great scrutiny for not sounding like the source, or even sounding too much like the source. The classic saying, “the original was better”, is often the base argument for dismissing these cover songs, and more often than not is the death nail for these iterations of classic songs. However, there have been some absolutely draw dropping or stunning covers of radio classics that still seem largely unknown to the public eye. The following is a collection of unique and underrated cover songs by artists you may expect.

1. Drake Bell

You may be familiar with Drake Bell from the 2000s hit Nickelodeon show Drake & Josh, however did you know Drake doesn’t simply just play a musician for TV. Drake Bell is a phenomenally underrated musician with a total of six studio albums under his belt! Alongside his original singles, bell has also provided some very well done covers to his discography! Possibly the most commonly discussed of all of them is his 2018 release of the Lil Pump track, Gucci Gang. Receiving the most back and forth between those who loved the rendition and those who hated it, Gucci Gang is far from Drake Bell’s first, or even best, cover. Appearing on the 2014 album, “Ready, Steady, Go”, is a fantastic cover of Billy Joel’s “It’s Still Rock and Roll To Me”. The track not only serves an amazing recreation of the 1980 smash hit, but also may appear indistinguishable from the original to the casual listener.

2. Ninja Sex Party

Yes, Ninja Sex Party is indeed the legitimate name of this band. Fronted by Danny Sexbang, the act is a two man comedy duo specializing in comedic and novelty music often revolving around mythical or sexual subject matter. That being said, NSP is honestly one of the most talented and creative bands I have had the pleasure to listen to. Managing to be both funny and clever at the same time is one thing but having the musical ability to go from “6969” to a seamless rendition of “Rocket Man” that will make you question who did it better is another. In 2015 NSP decided to change their style for one album by releasing the cheekily named “Under The Covers” which featured all cover songs. The album was such a commercial success and received such great feedback from the fanbase that it spawned two more volumes of “Under The Covers” albums!

3. Postmodern Jukebox

Possibly the most widely known group on this list for their covers, Postmodern Jukebox provide classics with a twist! Featuring 50+ revolving musicians along with multiple extraordinary vocalists, PMJ take some of the most successful, well known, and beloved songs and cover them in the style of swing, jazz, and big band. Not shy of any genre or era, PMJ have covered everything ranging from Radiohead to Macklemore and Britney Spears to Aerosmith. Absolutely everything they have touched turns to transatlantic gold!

4.Cake

Chances are if you grew up in the early 2000s or ever played a Tony Hawk Pro Skater games, you’ve heard Cake. Most famous for their hit singles “The Distance” and “Short Skirt Long Jacket”, Cake seemingly broke out huge and the slowly faded off the radar. While the slow and very verbal style of the band may not be the taste for everyone, Cake has seemingly found the perfect way to use that to their advantage. With covers of such classics as “I Will Survive” and “Paranoid”, Cake has made their stamp on the cover field by incorporating their own original style like no other. Even going into Hank Williams Sir, The tracks may take you by surprise at first or require a minute to adjust to, Cake provides welcome and intriguing versions of classics we know and love.

5. Paul Anka

No need to adjust your screen, you did read that correctly! Paul Anka, known for such classics as “Puppy Love” and “Put Your Head On Y Shoulder” is no stranger to the almighty cover song! Now you may be thinking to yourself, he must’ve covered classics of the time just like Elvis or Jerry Lee Lewis did! Well, you would be incorrect! I bet the covers you were thinking of did not involve Nirvana, Oasis, Van Halen or even Soundgarden. That’s right, Paul Anka released his album, Rock Swings, in 2015 featuring swing style renditions of some of the most popular song from the previous two decades.Even if you are not a fan of the swing genre, I encourage you to give it a listen and see for yourself why Paul Anka is one of the absolute geniuses of the art!

-Style

10 top odd ball jobs durning covid 19

*ALEXA PLAY MONEY BY PINK FLOYD

As we all know 2020 hasn’t been the nicest to us left some of us jobless laid off and maybe even bankrupt so I’m here bringing you the 10 top odd ball jobs during this tragic time

1. Screener, some hospitals are hiring Valet Drivers to sit in front of doors take temperatures before they enter the hospital you don’t need to be extremely qualified for this job they require that you have a high school diploma or higher you don’t need any specific license most places hire 10-14 dollars an hour depending on the shift no experience required you basically just sit and greet people and take they’re temp

Image found on Metrohealth.com

2. Only Fans, since this all went down we’ve gotten a wave of Horny a lot of ladies are starting this new hip site called “Only Fans” they’re taking explicit pictures and videos of themselves and selling them on this site for a bit of side cash now a lot of these ladies are making quite some money I’ve seen some ladies making 25-500 dollars a month it goes by month and you have to wait now this job isn’t only just for the ladies men have made some decent bank I myself have tried it out if your comfortable with yourself why not give it a shot not Only Fans but porn hub as well they are paying by the views of the video so get to fucking and make that bank

I know what you’re thinking go ahead and make some Loveee
EVERYDAY IS HUMP DAY IF YOU WANNA MAKE $$$

3. Mask Makers, people found out how easy it was to make masks and they now selling them about 5$ a pop at the comfort of they’re own home some people are selling them at local stores and gas stations they’re making them out of old clothing and old blankets I feel bad for the thrift stores after all this is over they’re going to be flooded with someone’s arts and crafts if you wanna start making masks it’s pretty simple and I’m sure someone will buy that work of art

Image found on Google images

4. Stay at home beautician, okay so if we’re all supposed to be social distancing and not supposed to go anywhere please tell me why theres people out there creating a business don’t get me wrong I’m not knocking the hustle get that money but I will say this if you’re going to make up your own business take a second to think is my certification up to date? am I sanitary enough for this? But with everything closing early and the restrictions you have to go threw just to get your feet and nails done you could make some decent money I’d say about 250-500 depending how many people wanna stop in to your homemade shop also would depend how much you charge so make sure you’re prices aren’t to jacked up! You should probably charge cheaper anyway since you’re doing it at home

Image found on Naillovers.com

5, HOMEMADE TATTOO SHOP, some artist are working from home they don’t like sitting in the shop and figured they’d make more money by staying at home they have they’re own personal shop set up some artist make a lot of money doing this tattoos are in a high demand plus it’s an easy pack up and go job you grab you’re equipment and head on the road again gotta make sure you’re license is up to date and everything is sanitary most artists charge by tattoo but I’m sure they’re going to charge a tad bit more because they have to be up to standard a lot of the equipment sky rocketed because shops have been closed you can average 35-500 dollars per tattoo I’d say but that’s depending on what you want done PLEASE DON’T tattoo if you don’t have a license and don’t do the stick and poke thing

Image found on Jake Schrader’s Facebook

6. Home Nursing Aide, now this one isn’t so odd but it’s going on this list because it’s a simple job that makes a lot of money for no reason also with all this covid 19 going on nurses are front line they have to be ready to GO in any situation but there’s company’s out there thatll pay you to drive to house to house and take care of elders most places will pay you drive time with that hefty check most places make 17-20 dollars an hour all you have todo is make sure the elder doesn’t fall and make sure they’re okay a lot of places are over night i don’t know who would wanna stay over night at a strangers house but it is what it is you’ll probably need to be first aid certified and have a high school diploma I do know there’s a major need for them right now because no one wants to be front line so go save a miserable life and feel food about yourself

Found on Cleveland Clinic

7. Amazon, another one that’s not odd but I’ve been seeing it everywhere in ads on posters in my spam email I’m not sure what’s going on with amazon but they’re desperately hiring 18.00 no experience needed they’re hiring for both driving and Wearhouse nothing needed but a drug test everyone seems to be taking this job I don’t know what’s so good about it but it’s filling up pretty quick I’m not to sure how true this is but I hear you get a discount when ordering online if you work there so why not fill out that app and find out yourself

Image Found on Amazon

8. Unemployment Checks, depending how long you’ve been out of work and how much you’ve made the government passed a 600 dolor check for laid off employees from what I know it’s pretty complicated to get on unemployment but I know that’s a lot of money sitting at the comfort of your home it kinda messes with the on the line jobs but hey it helps out family’s and puts bread on the table I’m not sure how much longer it’s going to be going for but from my research it’s sticking around a lot longer than we all expected I know they just signed a thing saying they’re investing more money into it but if you wanna sit on the phone on hold for a million hours and or deal with the governments shitty website give it a shot it’s gotta he the easiest money ever made

Image found on Google Images

9. Stimulus check “second round” a lot of people haven’t gotten the first round or they just got it well I’d love to inform you we’re in the works of getting a second round that’ll help out a shit ton of people as long as you filed taxes you can get it this is probably the best thing that 2020 offered they’re playing with peoples heads but I do firmly believe it’s coming just don’t blow it on things you don’t need people took this money and blew threw it we got this money to keep us on our feet while this is going down so don’t go wasting it that’s probably why we didn’t get a second round yet they’re probably thinking do we really deserve it?

Found on google images

10. Babysitting & Teachers , Schools have been closed for some time now dang I wish this could of been around when I went to school I had to skip these kids now a days don’t know what they got kids are actually missing school and that’s saying something but anyway while your starting up your fancy business or filling out that handy handy job application you don’t want screaming annoying kids around go ahead and get yourself a baby sitter I know teachers are starting up they’re own personal business and doing homeschooling making sure America don’t get stupid they’re pulling in about 50$ here and there id imagine they’re going by hour but it’s cool that teachers will spare they’re free time just todo that!

Well now that you have some job ideas go out there stop reading this and make some cash you filthy hobo! you’re friends can’t support you forever or can they 🙂

The Trick To Buying Booze Past 10pm

Ohio State Governor Mike DeWine has issued an emergency ruling stating that the sale of alcohol in bars and restaurants will be limited to 10pm. Should this ruling be approved by The Ohio Liquor Control Commision, it will be put into effect July 31st 2020. Not only will this proposal ban the sale of alcohol past 10pm but it also declares that any previously served beverages are to be finished by the 11 o’clock hour. Many citizens of Ohio as well as surrounding states now fear the removal of alcohol sales from gas stations as well as the closure of state liquor stores.

Cincinnati Enquirer

So now what, you get off work after a long day and want to sit down and grab a drink with a couple buddies, low and behold there isn’t a place within 100 miles that will provide you the alcohol. Fear not, there is an alternative! I’ve compiled a handful of ways of ensure you will still be able to get plastered while Mike DeWine leveys for prohibition!

Mashed.com

1.What About Mouthwash?

YouTube

When it comes down to it you can’t beat the classics. Trevor Moore put it best, “You don’t need ID to buy it and you can’t show up too late”. While we here at StylesRebelRadio.com in no way support underage drinking, mouthwash has been known to deliver in large quantities to consenting adults. Don’t forget that minty fresh breath!

2. Rub It In, Rub It In

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Cracking open a first aid kit with the boys? Hell it is in the name! Desperate times call for desperate measures why not clean up your boo boos on the inside as well as the out! Just keep the number for poison control near by.

3. Clean Up Before She Comes

Photo by Uva Rova on Pexels.com

Look good, smell good, feel good. Cologne typically contains alcohol somewhere between 50 and 90 percent! On the flip side of that if you’ve ever had to get all gussied up in a hurry, you can probably vouge for the fact no matter how good it may smell, cologne will never taste as good.

4. At Least It’s Clean… Right?

Photo by Lucas Pezeta on Pexels.com

Alright now hear me out, Windshield wiper fluid contains methanol as a prime ingredient. Methanol is actually an extreme industrial alcohol , so yes.. this would get you pretty plastered. I mean hell, Juul pods contain the same chemical components as antifreeze and people actually smoke those!

If you’ve made it to this section of the article I’d assume you are smart enough to not try any of these. I don’t think I really need to but just in case there was any doubt, This article is entirely satirical and noting listed above should ever be consumed in any fasit. Neither I, Nor anybody at StylesrebelRadio.com condone any form of underage drinking or the consumption of any of the items listed above. As always, drink responsibly.

-Style

https://www.alcohol.org/alcoholism/household-products-abuse/ https://abc6onyourside.com/news/local/ohio-governor-proposes-10-pm-last-call-for-alcohol-in-bars-and-restaurants

Top Five S.O.B Never to mess with.

Today’s list is gonna be a tough one literally. These guys are as tough as they come. So buckle up and check your jaw. Cause these guys aren’t anything to play with.

#5 Bob Ross now I know what you’re thinking how is Bob Ross a Tough S.O.B when all he’s known for is his painting. But that’s what he wants you to think. You see Bob Ross fought in Vietnam as a Air Force pilot. Also it was rumored that he worked for the government for years after he got out of the military. Till one day he decided to start painting and the rest is history.

#4 The Boxer know as Butter Bean. When a 300 plus pound man can move like a Train and has the strength to knock a man out You know he’s tough Winning the boxing world championship. Also knocking out former WWF wrestler Bart Gunn he was a man of many talents.

#3 Chuck Norris the man so tough he has a third fist in his beard. The man who makes Fear it’s self shake. The man who wears Cowboy boots out of real cowboys. He is the Texas Ranger and one tough S.O.B

#2 Iron Mike Tyson. There is no surprise here called the Baddest man on the planet for a reason. Was undefeated for a long time in boxing also winning the Boxing championship. Knocking some men out in under a minute. Know he’s back at age 53 to perform again in professional boxing the man is an icon and a tough S.O.B.

Finally #1 on our list is Stone Cold Steve Austin the rattlesnake is as tough as they come the only man to ever push Mike Tyson and get away with it. Carrying his company on his back as a WWF superstar. Also abusing his boss both physically and mentally and getting away with it. He is the toughest S.O.B to walk on earth and his name is Stone Cold Steve Austin. That’s the bottom line cause he said so.

Blog done by HALF Point for Stylesrebelradio.com

Mandatory Mask Mandate Loopholes

If you are in the hefty majority of states whose governors have now decided they are above the lawmaking process and have deemed the use of masks “mandatory” by their own orders, fear not! While these mandates are NOT laws and cannot be upheld as such, there are still many ill informed people who believe they are and will not hesitate to call the hotline in hopes some higher power will tyrannically fine you. So, for those of you who didn’t sleep through US Gov. class in highschool but are sick of those pesky Karen’s giving you “the look”, I have complied some alternative options you can use to stick it to the Karens while still following the “Mandatory” mask mandates.

First things first let’s examine (for the state of OH) what this mask mandate entails. According to News5Cleveland.com, ” Mike DeWine issued an order Tuesday making masks mandatory for counties in the state where the rampant spread of coronavirus continues to be a rising threat…It will be mandatory for those out in public to wear a mask under the following circumstances:
-When they are in any indoor location that is not a residence.
-When they are outside and unable to maintain a six-foot distance from those not in their household.
-When they are riding or driving in public transportation or ride-sharing.”

Alright cool, now that that’s out of the way, we also need to address that the following parties have been excluded from this mandate: Children Under the age of 10, Anyone with a pre existing medical condition that could be affected by the use of a mask,anyone communicating with the hearing impaired, or anyone working from a home office.

The last thing we need to clarify is the definition of a “mask”. Oxford Dictionary defines a mask as,” covering for all or part of the face”. With that in mind, we now proceed to your alternate options/loopholes for the mask mandates.

1. Gimpin’ Ain’t Easy

soundcloud.com

Alright, let’s run it down! The gimp mask 100% complies with the definition of a full or partial face covering. Perfect for complete and utter domination in the bedroom or just grabbing a bite to eat at your local Sheetz. Time to check out? No problem! Simply unzip the mouth covering for easy and unmuffled communication.

2.Wazzzzzzzuppppp

Wbal-TV

What’s your favorite Scary Movie? Face covering, Check. While it might not be the most convenient for airflow purposes, the rubber features will provide you with a scent that harkens back to a cool crisp Halloween night in October of 2008. Just don’t be seen around an all star cast of high schoolers and TV news crew.

3. War.. War never changes.

9Gag

In the case of a real global pandemic, there is no greater benefactor than the classic gas mask. The gas mask is a full face covering ventilator that allows the filtration of clean compressed air. A stable of every post apocalyptic, dystopian, or doom stricken future movie, game, or show, you simply cannot have a global apocalypse without the gas mask. In all actuality, this is what you would actually need to wear should a killer virus with a high mortality rate were to occur.

4. Follow The Buzzard

Tom Banwell Designs

Not only does it cover your face, you gain a rockin beak with a leather smell! The black plague saw the rise of the plague doctor mask, and if they can handle that, they can handle the “pandemic” that everyone has seemingly forgot was supposedly caused by a bat.

5. Somebody Stop Me!

PicClick

Try and tell me I don’t have a mask, and witness me whip out the 1994 Jim Carrey The Mask! Like the Frank’s Red Hot lady, I’ve always got that thang on me! Now… when it comes to covering your face it’s quite a simple fix, like the old montra goes, Duct Tape fixes everything.

6. Dial It Up

ElementGaming Via YouTube.com

Onto my personal favorite, as well as one I’ve actually used, The Luchador mask. Face covering? Yep! Always remember your face is not your mouth. I can speak from personal experience that not only does it meet the qualifications of being a mask, asking to remove a luchadores mask is one of the most insulting and disrespectful things you can do in as in Lucha culture masks represent honor and often heritage.

-Style

The Night I Locked Myself Out Of My House

First Class locksmith

Picture it, the mean streets of Lincoln Nebraska , 2016. I had just finished my shift at the smelling salts factory and was on my way home for the evening. Roughly seven miles from my house I decided to pull through the drive-thru of the nearest Taco Bell/ KFC joint restaurant. As I rolled up to the window I decided to order a number 13 combo, Two hard shell taco supremes with a large Baja Blast and a side of the Colonel’s famous home style gravy on the side. The order came to a total of $13.76 which I respectfully paid for with a crisp twenty dollar bill. Pulling into the nearest parking space, I decided to eat my meal in my car before continuing my drive home. As I finished my meal I placed the remaining crumbs along with the associated wrappers in the empty yellow dollar store bag that had been lying in the backseat of my 2003 Chevy Cobalt. As I began pulling out of the parking lot I decided to turn on my car radio where I was pleasantly greeted by the 1999 Grammy award winning hit single Smooth by Carlos Santana featuring the vocals of Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty . The dolsot yet spicy tones soothed me on my drive home.

Upon arriving at my house, I park my car, gather my belongings and get set to head inside. At my door I reach down to grab the keys off of my belt loop only to find the keys to my house are missing. In a panic I began looking around in the driveway as well as the floorboards of my car in search of my house keys. After 3 continuous hours of searching I finally had stumbled across my keys in the small herb garden outside of my front door. A sigh of relief swept over me as I began to raise my keys to the lock. In horrifying shock I noticed that my keys were not unlocking the door! I began pulling and yanking on the door frantically pleading for it to open. Hours had gone by and all of my neighbors had gathered outside to see what was happening. Finally reaching my breaking point, I decided to grab the can of body spray from my car along with my lighter. As I prepared to utilize my last resort, I sparked up my lighter. It was then out of the corner of my eye I realized the address. This was not my house.

Sluggishly returning to my car, I fired up the ignition and began my drive to my actual house. I arrived at the house that showed my home address, unlocked the door and collapsed in exhaustion on my furnitureless living room floor.

-Style