I’d imagine that the adult scholastic book fair would possibly offer a wide range of different categories of books, magazines, planners, and adult coloring books like the ones with the swear words. As well as tiny do dad’s similar to the chocolate bar calculator, drum stick pencils, and slap bracelet rulers but more like a small dehumidifier, google homes, and maybe small DIY kits.
The book categories:
• Romance novels
• Pornographic magazines
• Pre-mentioned adult coloring books
• All the Harry Potters of course
• Writing prompt books
• Anime items
• Political genre
• And many more
I do believe that an adult scholastic book fair would be amazing, do it in the same style as well like it would be a pop-up shop in your local library or even better a pop-up at your nearest Barnes and Nobel.
In truest scholastic book fair fashion all the proceeds would go to something good, but have I put that much thought into this, no.
Anyway I will always be mentally at the scholastic book fair and I will not rest until I get to go to another one.
I walked into His house after having a crazy evening out at the store and took a biiiig ole shit. Next thing yaknow He walks in and goes, “Aw hell no! Well goddamn son. That’s the worst dhuke I’ve ever smelt!”
All is Not Well Between Former Lithium Band Mates!
As of the night of Wednesday March 3rd 2021, Lithium guitarist Evan Sinarski and founding member Brayden D. do not appear to be on speaking terms!
While details about the issue have yet to come out, regarding the questions as to what lead to the reported falling out, Current guitarist, Evan Sinarski, appears to have cut all contact with the founding member.
For those not aware, Local “Legendary” “Rock” band, Lithium formed in the summer of 2015 as a Nirvana tribute. The brainchild of Style (Jordan Toler) accompanied by guitarist Brayden D., saw the addition of current guitarist Evan Sinarski merely a month and a half after the bands inception. While Brayden departed from the group in late 2015, citing “creative differences” on the part of Style, Evan and Style remained turning out music still to this day. The duo accompanied by a slew of studio/session drummers and bassists, have made server almost appearances including CHS’s town hall rock off, and live on NCU Radio.
The trio has and two brief reunions, both resulting from Evan Sinarski’s departure and leave from The United States Air Force. While there seemed to be no bad blood between the three men, Evan Sinarski, when asked about what had transpired had this to say…
“I just blocked Brayden on every social media platform lol.”
While no official public statement has been issued by either the official Lithium social media pages or Sinarski’s, the claim seems to be factual as Sinarski’s social media platforms seem to lack a familiar name in their following list.
More information will be provided as the story progresses.
It was a typical afternoon after the bombs fell. Sierra was helping me prepare my favorite gin and coke when I randomly got this urge to just punch something. No, my name isn’t Kyle and I don’t drink monsters everyday but sometimes you just get that urge to break things yaknow? I walked outside and the closest thing that I saw that wasn’t mine was a nearby fire hydrant.
After punching it, I realized that my raw strength was too much for this pathetic little yellow hydrant. With regret in my heart, I decided to try and fix it before the fire department arrived. I grabbed the nearest tools that I had in my truck and ran over to the Geiser that I created.
My maintenance skills seemed to prove me right as well….but not well enough. As I was fixing the fire hydrant, I knew it would be a one way trip. The pressure was too much to hold by myself and knowing that I could get engulfed any second, I was ready to meet the end.
After tightening the last bit of the hydrant, I close my eyes and when I open them, I’m confused. I’m lying down in some random gym and I’m repping 225 like it’s nothing? What’s going on? I finish my set and look around. Nothing seems to have changed about me other than the fact that I can now bench 225 for reps. I get a call from a random number.
“Hello Andrew this is Dr. Phillips calling as an update of your health since the accident. We did some more studies and we concluded that your condition was related to the accident and that it will progressively grow over time. The next chance you get, we request for you to schedule another appointment with us. Thank you and bye bye now.”
This isn’t anything that I wanted. This wasn’t supposed to be how my life went. I was so much better than this. The pain in my head keeps growing like demons clouding my thoughts. I know what I must do to stop this endless curse.
I return to the spot that started this all. I see that retched metal tube of water that ruined my life. This is our last fight buddy. I wrap my arms around it and tear it out of the concrete. The pressure explodes but it does nothing to me because of this “condition.” I look down into its soul while it’s in my arms and I whisper to it,
“This is Andrew W.K. and this is Destroy, Build, Destroy.”
Doggystyle?!! We’re not animals! I know my wife better than that. She may have a habit of getting her hand stuck in the car door, and I am a handy man myself. When it comes to blue collar jobs however, it’s a no go for me. Growing up in the church, I assumed that all women weren’t like my wife.
Look, I know what a succubus is alright? I literally live in the church. I just had no idea that my sweet little angel would act like this. We were just at the county fair enjoying the food when a group of guys walked by dressed as medieval knights. They were quoting absurd things like necromancy and she started to chime in. It’s like she became a completely different person!
After talking to them for 15 minutes, she seemed a little off. I asked her how she knew all of this stuff and she basically shrugged me off. So later that night, I made sure to stay up and make sure she knew I wasn’t awake. What happened absolutely shocked me.
She left the house at 2:40AM. I knew exactly where she was heading. I followed her to one of the large tents at the fair. She had no idea that I was watching from afar. I-I can’t describe what I saw because I get sick. Those men, the cameras, the…I know now that I can never look at her the same again. Later that week, I started faking a bad cough and recommended her to go to the hospital.
The results came in. I had no idea that she was like this. I’ve been married to her for so long. I know I have it too. I-I just. I have to go now. There’s nothing else left to say.
Peak into what a day in the life of an average American Citizen would have looked like in a timeline where Kanye West won the 2020 Presidential Election.
You’re awoken to the sound of Wolves by President West playing over sirens off in the distance, looking to either side of you is a field with tall grass. You begin to realize you’re surrounded by literally everyone you know and even those you don’t. From Celebrities to distant cousins you haven’t had full conversations with in over ten years; To you close family, friends and even your teachers from P.S.R. showed up. Before you can even begin to fathom your surroundings the purr of an ATV engine can be heard coming from down the side of a mountain within eyesight, it’s President West. You’re on his Wyoming ranch. Before any of this can settle in Kanye West is here and it is time to begin Morning Mass.
After Morning Mass, Yeezy begins his 10 hour studio session with Jay-Z, Drake, Lil Wayne, Kid Cudi, Q-Tip, Elton John, Travis Scott, Mike Tyson, Ronald McDonald, Busta Rhymes, Lil Pump, Justin Timberlake,Michael Bublé, Snoop Dogg, Justin Bieber, Allen Iverson, Tupac (in hologram form), Oprah, God Himself, Aunt Jemima, Uncle Jessie, Tony Hawk (seems like could spit mad bars), Master Yoda, The Underaker, Michelangelo (T.M.N.T.), The Golden Girls (Again, in hologram form with the exception of Betty White), Bob Ross, and Chance The Rapper.
Literally everything else in The United States stays exactly the same and life other than this small exception to our morning’s and mass amounts of Kanye West Albums Produced by a plethora of obscure characters nothing changes. Our Polices as a nation stay the same, nothing changes about our borders, economy, covid regulations stay the same; And life as you know it is normal. God Bless President West and God Bless The United States of America.
It was 2008. At the time, my wife and I were struggling sexually. Not in an erectile dysfunction type of way, but in an adventurous way. We needed to spice things up a little yaknow? So one morning, we saw an ad in the paper.
We knew that this was exactly what we needed. It was the quickest unanimous decision her and I ever made. We knew that Boise didn’t offer much, but goddamn this was something. The fee wasn’t much either. I’m not telling you cuz that’s none of your business. What you do need to know, however, is how quick that 2 hour drive was. We were so excited that we didn’t even pack lunch.
We treated the whole introductory course like we weren’t going to plow the hell out of each other so we didn’t get the instructors suspicious. The minutes felt like hours as we were anticipating the best experience we were ever going to have. It was a cool, sunny day at around 73°F with mild winds. Perfect for hang doin. We drove to the drop site and waited for the right time.
And we have a liftoff! The cool wind grazing against my body only elevated my excitement. I know what I must do.
I signal my wife to open her legs. I make a dive for it. I know that the instructors on the ground are watching but I have been anxious for TOO long. The positioning and timing is perfect. And just like that…I’m in. Our dreams have come true as we are the only people in the world that are currently having sex whilst mid glide, probably. Everything is perfect.
Everything was perfect. The hang glides got intertwined and caused us to come spiraling towards the earth. We knew what we had to do. So right after finishing, we cut the lines and prepared to parachute to the surface. But for some reason, her parachute was still connected to the glide. She tried to escape but it seems that fate had other plans for her.
They heard my name and they’ve heard my desires. I will not confess to these accusations. The satisfaction and glory of the prosecutor will not be met. The judge heard my case. The jury didn’t seem to meet the agreement, however. So, after 14 years they finally got me. They finally got the Hang Glide Killer.
The day of reckoning has come and love him or hate him, Todd Howard and the Bethesda team are now under the management of Microsoft. Above all else this means Todd Howard has achieved his greatest feat yet, he has sold Skyrim again. This time is the heist of the century however, $7.5 Billion. The master plan does not end there however, with the overwhelming popularity of Game Pass, Todd will be selling Skyrim to Xbox users every single month for the foreseeable future. While the future of Todd presenting the newest Bethesda titles may be up in the air, we can always look back at the wise words he has left us in the past.
“It Just Works”
There is absolutely no way we are running down the best Howardisms without kicking it off with THE most quoted line of all. “It Just Works”. Picture it, E3 2019, Bethesda Softworks own Todd Howard takes the stage, rumors have filled the air about a brand new Fallout title but have been supported by whispers of a new Skyrim variant. Then boom, there it is. Fallout 4. You sat in awe at the new iteration of the series was unveiled. The gameplay rolls on the screen as Godd Howard’s voice projects over the audience. As he explains the new world design, lore and mechanics, One assurance was made. “It Just Works”. From the game studio with more bugs than an insect exhibit, the lie that defined the future of the product and spawned millions of mems, “It Just Works”.
“Who’s Laughin’ Now?”
Coming off the cult success of the Oblivion title, ZeniMax Media’s Todd Howard sat down for a one on one interview to discuss his most recent works. During this encounter, Todd recalls how in school while other students dreamed of playing professional football, Todd always planned on becoming a game developer. To all those who doubted him Todd had one simple message, “Who’s Laughin’ Now”. Of course because the internet exists and we are all equally awful people this too was subject to become top meme material but hey, Who’s laughin now?
“You Dork, Go Back To The Chess Club
During his infamous “Who’s laughin’ now” interview came anither great line that was sadly overlooked. While the internet latched onto the previously stated line, the exclamation that follows is equally as funny in that same regard. Todd explains that while sharing his dreams of designing video games the general consensus from his peers was, “You dork, Go back to the chess club”. The line is delivered with such straight face monotone conviction that one cannot help but laugh, not to mention after a few breif moments of silence he follows it up with, “… yes I was in the chess club”. Classic Todd.
“As Far As Stupid Gimmicks Go, It’s The Best Fucking One”
When the inhumane Godd Howard begins his reign of game unveiling he knows no bounds and can not be stopped! Alongside the introduction of Fallout 4, Todd showcased a real life Pip-boy 3000 that would be available with the collectors addition. Well surely this is a prop and will not have an actual electronic display the naïve audience collectively thought. Wrong you are peasants answered the divine one! Todd reviled that along with the Pip-boy came an app that acted as a second screen for your Fallout 4 experience. However, Todd was not shy to express his feeling s on how distracting he finds the second screen experience before quickly ensuring us all, “As far as stupid gimmicks go this is the best fucking one.” The man strikes again, dropping a hard F-bomb right there in the center of the E3 stage simply because he is Godd Howard and knows no mortal man can stop him.
“Glows In The Fucking Dark”
There is no stopping this man. Another E3, another Fallout special edition. This time around Fallout 76 was announced to include a functional power armor helmet for special edition packages, but only that, as Todd so eloquently put it, the special edition would also include an in game map that, “Glows in the fucking dark.” Todd, this is why we love ya. The power of Godd Howard knows no social filters and it has since become the stuff of meme expectation for Todd to get so excited during a game announcement that he must drop the F-bomb.
“There Are Very Few Things as Good as Fallout”
Jumping back over to E3 and the presentation of Fallout 4, what better way to introduce your newest addition to the franchise than with a firm pat on your own back. While it’s amazing to hear him mutter in shaken confidence, we cannot exactly disagree with the man. Upon taking the stage an recounting how far video games have come in society, Todd take a deep breath before stumbling trough one of the greatest lines in E3 history. “There are very few things as good as Fallout”. The crowd, dressed to the nines in vault 101 jump suits, erupt along with all the viewers at home. A bold claim? Absolutely, Is he wrong though is the real question. The series will always have bugs, flaws, and skeptics but regardless of individual titles and opinions when it comes down to it, as a game, as a series, a story, and a community, when it comes to entertainment, There are very few things as good, as fallout.
“Sometimes It Doesn’t Just Work”
Oh Todd, there has never been such a strong love hate relationship as the one between the fallout community towards your leadership. Upon revealing the completely online and first ever multiplayer Fallout, Fallout 76, fans of the series were immediately divided between excitement and fear of what this may bring. While the ability to finally explore the waste with friends was on the table, so was the lingering reputation of Bethesda’s engine development. Fortunately enough for us Father Howard shared these mixed emotions as well as he introduced the Fallout 76 Beta dubbed, the Break-it Early Test Application. Now why would a man with the confidence of a god seem unsure about the quality of his engine? To quoke the man directly, he had read on the internet that, “Sometimes, It doesn’t just work”. We love you Todd. The Godd has become self-aware.
In all seriousness I am a die hard Fallout fan through and through, while people may disagree about certain entries in the series or have issues with overall bugs in gameplay, we cannot forget how much time and effort has gone into this project and how much of an impact it has had on our lives. For that we do have to give credit where credit is due to Todd Howard and all the devs from Bethesda. I encourage everyone to go and rewatch both the Fallout 4 and 76 E3 presentations as even though they may not have turned out exactly as you wanted, going back and watching them still gives you that old magic feeling of a new Fallout title.
Let me know what some of your favorite Todd Howardisms are as well as what you think the future holds for Bethesda Softworks under the banned of Microsoft by using the Discord link below! Turn on notifications to keep up to date with all the latest events and happenings and get behind the scenes access to The Rebel Podcast!