If you are a die hard Fallout fanatic like me you may find the in game radio stations grow old rather quickly. Now, that’s not a knock on the stations themselves or the music included in them, in the last article we took the time to run down the Best and Worst radio stations and hosts the Fallout series has to offer. This time we are providing some lore friendly alternatives for your in game radio immersion.
Old World Tunes
From an app with a great idea, to an in game radio mod. Old World Tunes provides a lore friendly library of music that keeps the game fresh and lively. As someone who works for an oldies radio station, the developers went out of their way to put in the time and effort into selection not only tracks that are lore friendly to the time frame, but more so than not, thematically friendly as well, something that Bethesda Softworks also prides themselves on. Old World Tunes didn’t stop there though, going above and beyond their competitors, Old World Tunes went the extra mile by adding in Pre-War ads, Their own jock, and even voiced liner from Fallout 3’s Three Dog! As far as immersion and quality goes, Old World Tunes is the cream of the crop!
The quintessential western equivalent of Old World Tunes, Tumbleweed Tunes provides calming and cinematic desert guitar tracks that’ll make you wish you were roaming the Mohave almost wishing for a nuclear winter. The calm slide guitar tunes provide the perfect ambiance for wandering the wastes and the perfect alternative for the rock and roll heavy in game stations. Hosted by radio jock, “Dusty Dude”, it’s almost as if Sam Elliot were narrating your atomic adventure. Dude regularly discusses his travels from The Mohave Wasteland of New Vegas to The Commonwealth. Tumbleweed Tunes is sure to provide hours of lore friendly enjoyment from your pip-boy or home radio!
One of the most overlooked genres in the Fallout universe as well as life, unfortunately, is Folk music. Being one of the most prominent genres during the shaping of America and thriving during The Dustbowl era, Folk and Delta Blues would be thought to show more of a presence in post-apocalyptic society. Independence Radio provides over 100 tracks of the best dust bowl era instrumentals and lore friendly tunes. The perfect station to listen to while defending the wasteland or fortifying The Castle.
An Old World Radio Christmas
The boys are back at it again. The creators of Old World Tunes and Old World Radio are giving us all a gift this holiday season. An Old World Radio Christmas provides countless hours of lore friendly holiday music, more commentary about the holiday season, original tracks, commercials, and even… decorations. Listening to Old World Christmas almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter, but now you don’t have to! Fully decorated in game radios also enhance the holiday mood. Celebrate the most wonderful time of the year while remaining completely immersed in the lore!
As a life long fan of the Fallout series as well as a host for two weekly radio shows, I feel qualified to break down the best and worst radio jocks the Fallout universe has to offer. Not many people realize how much can truly go into being a compelling and entertaining personality who is at least half way decent at what they do. Spanning over multiple titles, states, and personalities, these are the absolute best and worst on air personalities that the Fallout universe has to offer.
BEST: Three Dog
Host of Galaxy News Radio for The Capital Wasteland, Three Dog is an entertaining jock with a smooth voice to match. Capturing the essence of the stereotypical old school radio DJ, his personality fits perfectly with the tracks he’s playing. Not only does Three Dog fit the bill of a classic radio jock, he also includes precise social observations and great comedic timing which is a huge part of any successful jock. “…Your friendly neighborhood Disc Jockey, What’s a disc? Hell if I know!” is just one of the ever quotable phrases you cam catch Three Dog sending out over D.C.’s flagship station. With all this considered, he is at his core an NPC best described by the word “cool”. From his cool, calm, collected demeaner, to his no cares given approach to calling out what he sees as unjust live on the air. Voice actor Erik Todd Dellums hit the nail right on the head to provide Fallout 3 with the absolute perfect voice.
Side note: Erik’s role as Three Dog was done so well and left such an impact that I regularly encourage my listeners to “Fight the good fight” at the end of each of my weekly shows.
WORST: Travis Miles
Now let’s get this out of the way right now. I enjoy Travis, I am 100% aware of the fact the DJ with no confidence is meant entirely for the irony of it. Travis Miles is a good novelty character and is fun. HOWEVER, we are looking at the best and worst DJs. As a jock, Travis begins as an unconfident and insecure host of Diamond City Radio. Through out the progression of the game, you are able to engage in a side quest to help Travis gain his confidence and in turn impact how he sounds over the Commonwealth air waves. The issue however is, regardless on whether or not you choose to do this mission Travis falls into the one category absolutely nobody in the business ever wants to come anywhere close to, annoying. Travis’s initial style is good for a quick laugh or two here and there, but very quickly grows repetitive and annoying. Even after helping Travis find his confidence, the transition is neat but once again wears thin relatively quickly. The confident Travis more often then not comes across as forced and just seems like a radio host impression rather than a natural sounding host, complete with transatlantic accent.
BEST: Mr. New Vegas
You cannot talk about the best Fallout radio jocks without talking about Mr. New Vegas, and who else to play such a role other than the one and only Mr. Las Vegas himself Wayne Newton. The absolute perfect deep raspy voice to fill the airwaves of The Mohave, Mr. New Vegas is actually just an AI created by Mr. House before The Great War. While Johnny Guitar may get a little stable by your 10th New Vegas playthrough, one thing that never will is the calming tones of Mr. New Vegas. Knowing your audience is half the battle in the radio game, and Mr. New Vegas is able to capture the tone of both the lively strip of New Vegas as well as the secluded deserts of the Mohave Wasteland. Possibly the one universally accepted truth of Fallout is how good Mr. New Vegas actually is and how much he adds to the experience.
BEST: President John Henry Eden
Hear me out now, John Henry Eden may not exactly be the most entertaining host on the planet, however take a step back and look at it in broadcasting terms. Enclave Radio is not deigned to be a high energy music station. It’s a news talk and political information station. If you look at Enclave Radio as the Fallout universe equivalent of NPR, that helps to out things into perspective. Now the problem with this you may be thinking is the fact on of the most important aspects of political and talk radio is to remain unbias, which Mr. Eden clearly does not accomplish. One thing to remember is this is post- apocalyptia. There is no structured uniform government. Politics are debated with guns in the wasteland. So when a sudo-political leader takes a stand behind a certain belief such as those of the Enclave, and has the means to sing their praises while damning the Brotherhood of Steel at a state wide level, why wouldn’t you jump at it? The AI known as John Henry Eden may not be the most likeable or easy to listen to, but when it come down to broadcasting, he’s certainly not the worst.
Hands down the absolute worst hails from, surprise surprise, Fallout 76. With the addition of the wastelanders DLC came Appalachia Radio’s new host Julie. A complaint from day one was the lack of effort put into the radio and soundtrack for Fallout 76 but after hearing Bethesda’s solution, I think I’d rather play in silence. I honestly don’t even know where to begin. As far as lore friendliness and believability goes, there is none. Rather than an immersive and fun radio host who shows motive and interest for establishing a presence in Appalachia, we are given Bethesda’s attempt at a “quirky” 23 year old girl reminiscent of a bootleg Travis Miles. We see what you were trying to do Bethesda and you’ve once again totally missed the mark. Julie is not cute, quirky, or funny and certainly not believable as someone who gives any kind of a shit about radio broadcasting. Above all else, would it have killed them to find a voice actor with an authentic accent to the region. That’s like the ONE qualification that could at least help overlook the rest of the issues. We are deep in the wild hills of West Virginia, not Cleveland Ohio.
At the end of the day maybe I’m a little bias, maybe you don’t really look that deep into the Fallout radio. Regardless, Let me know what you think in the comment section below! Then feel free to check out some of my other Fallout related blogs by clicking the link below!
The day of reckoning has come and love him or hate him, Todd Howard and the Bethesda team are now under the management of Microsoft. Above all else this means Todd Howard has achieved his greatest feat yet, he has sold Skyrim again. This time is the heist of the century however, $7.5 Billion. The master plan does not end there however, with the overwhelming popularity of Game Pass, Todd will be selling Skyrim to Xbox users every single month for the foreseeable future. While the future of Todd presenting the newest Bethesda titles may be up in the air, we can always look back at the wise words he has left us in the past.
“It Just Works”
There is absolutely no way we are running down the best Howardisms without kicking it off with THE most quoted line of all. “It Just Works”. Picture it, E3 2019, Bethesda Softworks own Todd Howard takes the stage, rumors have filled the air about a brand new Fallout title but have been supported by whispers of a new Skyrim variant. Then boom, there it is. Fallout 4. You sat in awe at the new iteration of the series was unveiled. The gameplay rolls on the screen as Godd Howard’s voice projects over the audience. As he explains the new world design, lore and mechanics, One assurance was made. “It Just Works”. From the game studio with more bugs than an insect exhibit, the lie that defined the future of the product and spawned millions of mems, “It Just Works”.
“Who’s Laughin’ Now?”
Coming off the cult success of the Oblivion title, ZeniMax Media’s Todd Howard sat down for a one on one interview to discuss his most recent works. During this encounter, Todd recalls how in school while other students dreamed of playing professional football, Todd always planned on becoming a game developer. To all those who doubted him Todd had one simple message, “Who’s Laughin’ Now”. Of course because the internet exists and we are all equally awful people this too was subject to become top meme material but hey, Who’s laughin now?
“You Dork, Go Back To The Chess Club
During his infamous “Who’s laughin’ now” interview came anither great line that was sadly overlooked. While the internet latched onto the previously stated line, the exclamation that follows is equally as funny in that same regard. Todd explains that while sharing his dreams of designing video games the general consensus from his peers was, “You dork, Go back to the chess club”. The line is delivered with such straight face monotone conviction that one cannot help but laugh, not to mention after a few breif moments of silence he follows it up with, “… yes I was in the chess club”. Classic Todd.
“As Far As Stupid Gimmicks Go, It’s The Best Fucking One”
When the inhumane Godd Howard begins his reign of game unveiling he knows no bounds and can not be stopped! Alongside the introduction of Fallout 4, Todd showcased a real life Pip-boy 3000 that would be available with the collectors addition. Well surely this is a prop and will not have an actual electronic display the naïve audience collectively thought. Wrong you are peasants answered the divine one! Todd reviled that along with the Pip-boy came an app that acted as a second screen for your Fallout 4 experience. However, Todd was not shy to express his feeling s on how distracting he finds the second screen experience before quickly ensuring us all, “As far as stupid gimmicks go this is the best fucking one.” The man strikes again, dropping a hard F-bomb right there in the center of the E3 stage simply because he is Godd Howard and knows no mortal man can stop him.
“Glows In The Fucking Dark”
There is no stopping this man. Another E3, another Fallout special edition. This time around Fallout 76 was announced to include a functional power armor helmet for special edition packages, but only that, as Todd so eloquently put it, the special edition would also include an in game map that, “Glows in the fucking dark.” Todd, this is why we love ya. The power of Godd Howard knows no social filters and it has since become the stuff of meme expectation for Todd to get so excited during a game announcement that he must drop the F-bomb.
“There Are Very Few Things as Good as Fallout”
Jumping back over to E3 and the presentation of Fallout 4, what better way to introduce your newest addition to the franchise than with a firm pat on your own back. While it’s amazing to hear him mutter in shaken confidence, we cannot exactly disagree with the man. Upon taking the stage an recounting how far video games have come in society, Todd take a deep breath before stumbling trough one of the greatest lines in E3 history. “There are very few things as good as Fallout”. The crowd, dressed to the nines in vault 101 jump suits, erupt along with all the viewers at home. A bold claim? Absolutely, Is he wrong though is the real question. The series will always have bugs, flaws, and skeptics but regardless of individual titles and opinions when it comes down to it, as a game, as a series, a story, and a community, when it comes to entertainment, There are very few things as good, as fallout.
“Sometimes It Doesn’t Just Work”
Oh Todd, there has never been such a strong love hate relationship as the one between the fallout community towards your leadership. Upon revealing the completely online and first ever multiplayer Fallout, Fallout 76, fans of the series were immediately divided between excitement and fear of what this may bring. While the ability to finally explore the waste with friends was on the table, so was the lingering reputation of Bethesda’s engine development. Fortunately enough for us Father Howard shared these mixed emotions as well as he introduced the Fallout 76 Beta dubbed, the Break-it Early Test Application. Now why would a man with the confidence of a god seem unsure about the quality of his engine? To quoke the man directly, he had read on the internet that, “Sometimes, It doesn’t just work”. We love you Todd. The Godd has become self-aware.
In all seriousness I am a die hard Fallout fan through and through, while people may disagree about certain entries in the series or have issues with overall bugs in gameplay, we cannot forget how much time and effort has gone into this project and how much of an impact it has had on our lives. For that we do have to give credit where credit is due to Todd Howard and all the devs from Bethesda. I encourage everyone to go and rewatch both the Fallout 4 and 76 E3 presentations as even though they may not have turned out exactly as you wanted, going back and watching them still gives you that old magic feeling of a new Fallout title.
Let me know what some of your favorite Todd Howardisms are as well as what you think the future holds for Bethesda Softworks under the banned of Microsoft by using the Discord link below! Turn on notifications to keep up to date with all the latest events and happenings and get behind the scenes access to The Rebel Podcast!
Before we dive in here let me make something abundantly clear, this list is a squeal. In order to check out all the great characters who made up the first list give Ol’ Easy Pete here a nice gentle click.
Now, it seems as though the last list of minor characters just didn’t cut it. While there still needs to be limitations set on just how many of these unique beings can be featured here, after further review we definitely could not live with ourselves without including these characters. Once again before we dive in I would like to remind everyone that the qualification these NPCs must meet is ultimately not having any form of barring on the main story or it’s outcome. With that in mind here are MORE of the greatest minor characters in the Fallout series.
Election season is upon is and who better to kick of this list than the president himself, president of The Republic of Dave of course. Let’s face facts here, you rolled up on this little “republic” as you were patrolling the capital wastes where, surprise surprise, you find Dave, leader of The Republic of Dave and from that first interaction you had it out for this pompous SOB. Naturally, seeing organized government working in the post apocalyptic society turned your stomach and with your vast knowledge of the democratic process begin poking around asking about the election of Dave. As you begin to learn more about the ill constructed, incest filled republic, you come to find out The Republic of Dave derived from the The Kingdom of Tom, which derived form The New Republic of Stevie-Ray which itself derived from Billyslvania by way of The Republic of Stevie-Ray originally being formed after it’s predecessor The Kingdom of Larry. Dave is but a spoke on the wheel and you are about to ensure that wheel keeps turning. Whether you choose to oversee the electoral process yourself or “you gotta shoot ’em in the head” you made damn sure Dave got his reality check and you loved every minute of it.
For someone not considered a “main” character, Fallout NV does not happen without Doc Mitchell pulling your ass out of the dirt and fixing you up. While we’re on the subject though, why the hell was this dude rooting around a fresh grave and playing with what he found. Regardless after Frankenstein over here finishes digging the 24 caret run of bad luck out of your noggin he goes out of his way to ensure you can walk, talk, and take a Rorschach ink blot test. (Definitely two bears high-fiving BTW.) Not to mention if you were one of the lucky few you got to see this man’s head spin right round like a record while he asked you how you felt. Talk about a way to be introduced to a game. Doc Mitchell deserves more praise for not only being the sole reason you weren’t six feet deep on Benny’s dime through out all of Fallout New Vegas but for allowing a stranger to steal literally everything from his home.
“Please assume the position.” Need I say more?
First and foremost, We know that’s you Todd Howard. You aren’t slick. Fresh off hearing about how “it just works” you boot up Fallout 4 and see this familiar face. Upon his instance and no matter how much you may have tried to avoid him The Vault-Tec rep. locked you into a family plan at your local Vault, 111. Fast forward legitimately 6 minuets, and we see our persistent friend once again being denied access to that very same vault. “I am Vault-Tec” he shouts as we chuckle being lowered into safety while he is inevitably turned to nuclear dust. You take a quick ice nap and wake up 200 years in the future with no wife and presumably no son. Remembering you left the TV on, you head to what was once your neighborhood to find just how much damage nuclear warfare can accomplish. After some chit chat with good ol’ Codsworth you set out on your quest to find your son… and apparently act as Tye Pennington for the entire commonwealth. So your travels lead you to Goodneighbor, and after the live entertainment makes you feel some way you head back to the local hotel for a good nights rest. Why not rummage through other people’s stuff while I’m here, you think to yourself, so you open the first door and who do you find? None other than Vault-Tec himself. You smiled, don’t even lie. The only other human being… well kinda… you have had any kind of bond with in over 200 years. I don’t care who you are are what kind of character you are playing, I know damn well you invited him back to Sanctuary with you. Like it or not, this is the closest living person you’ve got out there who knows you and look at you now, best buds. Go ahead and tell me I’m wrong.
Old Man Harris
Strolling down the streets of an almost picture perfect small community where everybody seems to be in good spirits and family values have outlasted total nuclear annihilation you seem to get the feeling something larger may be at play here. The residents of Andale welcome and greet you with open arms, even going as far as to invite you over for dinner! However one particular resident doesn’t seem to hold himself to that same regard. Old Man Harris explains to you everything is not as it seems and these people are crazy. Hey, he’s just a crazy old an the townsfolk assure you, driven mad by the death of his wife. As much as you may enjoy the change of pace you need to get to the bottom of this and thus you take the old man’s advice to check out the shed out back. Ah yes, cannibals. When confronted about your trespassing you could take the rout of, Hey to each their own, but there is just something about distraught Old Man Harris that will linger in the back of your mind. So you kill a couple people eaters, no harm no fowl right? Reporting back to this lovable Old coot, he explains he will now be taking care of the two neighborhood children himself. While your interaction with Old Man Harris my be limited, should you ever stumble back near Andale, in the back of your mind he will always have a special place. Of course, there is always this gem to take with you courtesy of Old Man Harris himself, “Better an orphan than a cannibal I guess.” All of this may be for loss however if you have been roaming The Capital Wasteland cannibal perk intact.
It had to be didn’t it. For arguments sake, we will be referring to the original Mechanist in Fallout 3 as the Fallout 4 iteration can be argued to be an essential character.to the DLC “story”. While jamming out to the hottest station in all of DC, Galaxy News Radio, you learn about two “costumed cookes” holding up Canterbury commons. Strap in for one of the most out there missions in the game as you diffuse the superhero movie that is The Mechanist vs. The AntAgonizer. Everything about The Mechanist would make you forget you’re playing a Fallout game, other than the endless swarms of Robobrains ruining your day. Once you engage in conversation with the self proclaimed hero, you cannot help but sit there smiling as he does his best impression of a stereotypical comic book hero. Should you chose to align yourself with him in the fight against evil and convince his arch nemesis to throw down her guns, you’ll be walking away with her AntAgonizer garb. This right here is why this spot goes to The Mechanist rather than the former, while the Legion of Doom spikes of the AntAgonizer look cool enough, you know deep down you want to BE The Mechanist. Whether you achieve this by convincing The Mechanist to step down himself or by being true neutral and giving each of them a 10mm alternative to their comic book lifestyle, you know damn sure you’re walking out of there with that armor. Hell, The Mechanist was so well received for such a minor role they brought him…well her… back in Fallout 4’s Automotron DLC.
Once again we have come to the end of another Fallout list and I’m sure there are plenty of names that have been left off. That’s one of the greatest things about the fallout series as a whole however, no matter which games you prefer they are all packed full of unique and memorable characters that don’t necessarily need to play major roles to have a major impact on your experience. As always I’d love to hear who you think the best minor characters in the Fallout franchise are and who knows, maybe there will even be yet another list.
When none of your friends are awake and online, you get a feeling of loneliness and isolation that can’t be put into words. When working night shifts, you would tend to find yourself in this situation every weekend. A way to cope with this feeling is to play these certain video games alone. This is a short list of what I came up with.
With captivating environments and addicting combat, the Assassin’s Creed saga is always a go-to when nobody else is around to join your party or call. The 4th installment of the series, “Black Flag” is a fan favorite around the world for the unique environment and entertaining free-roam mechanics. Also…SHANTIES!
This 2016 Campo Santo indie release is a game like no other. Though the main story is short lasting around 4-5 hours, this open-world is a visual masterpiece for anybody looking to just relax and feel free and isolated from anybody else.
Grand Theft Auto
The king of all Rockstar games and a fan favorite all around, any game from the GTA series has hours upon hours of open-world fun for anybody mature enough to play it. Just don’t be that guy that goes into online and ruins everybody’s fun by constantly killing them.
Classic Halo Trilogy
Ah…The great feeling of nostalgia. Whether you were 8 the first time you heard about these games or 18, playing it today gives almost anybody joy. Going back on the old times and remembering all of the fun memories that you had with your friends in custom games and multiplayer. There’s no other feeling.
The Fallout Series
Of course Bethesda would be on here. While I could have put Skyrim as this entry, due to biased and personal experiences with friends, the Fallout series has one of the greatest communities in gaming history. The entrancing post-apocalyptic world has hundreds of hours of pure entertainment and fun experiences. Whether you started out playing the classic trilogy or began in the latest installment, this series is like no other.
The Metro Series
There seems to be a trend with post-apocalyptic video games and single-player enjoyment. The incredible immersion in the Metro series is often regarded as the best for any survival-horror game ever made. The desolate environment and the intriguing characters will have you hooked for a very long time.
This wouldn’t be a game list without Minecraft. Minecraft appeals to all ages and its thousands of mods offer years of playing experience and enjoyment. If you believe that there is nobody that wants to play video games with you, hop into a random server and meet new friends. You never know, they might become lifelong.
The Last of Us
Do you want to play one of the most graphically impressive and immersive video games of the modern world? Well look no further than The Last of Us series. There has been great controversy over the story-telling of the most recent release, but if you’re like me and play video games casually and not like a neckbeard, you will enjoy every moment of The Last of Us.
The Fallout game series is one of the most loved and hated series at the same time. Regardless if you love it or hate it however, anyone who has sat down and taken the time to become invested in the game usually walks away with some redeeming experience. The Fallout series follows the protagonists on their individual journeys across the vast and barren wasteland on their respective quests. Now, anyone who has ever played a Fallout game knows the real fun comes not from that main questline, but rather the side quests and intriguing characters you’ll meet along the way. Quests and characters that ultimately have no real barring on the overall outcome of the story, yet seemingly exist to make the path you take there all the more enjoyable. The following NPCs are worthy of a spot at the top of that list and will truly never be forgotten when we look back on our in game choices.
Just picture it, you find yourself on the wrong end of an 18-Karat run of bad luck ending with a bullet lodged firmly in your dome piece. When you wake up, surprisingly, after the local town Dr. finishes scraping the led from your noggin and deems you mentally fit… somehow, you wander into the one horse town and up to the local saloon where just outside the door you find a soft spoken Ol’ feller appropriately named Easy Pete. Admit it, the sight of the old prospector outside the bar drew your interest more that popping off some shots on empty bottles out back. You wanted to know more, you wanted to be his friend, and when those nasty old powder gangers rode into town you wanted his dynamite. Regardless on if he would fork over the loot or not, you fought your heart out to protect not the tow of Goodsprings, but Easy Pete.
By this point in your travels as The Lone Wanderer you have begun to grow accustomed to some of the more predictable elements of The Capital Wasteland. You enter an abandoned school, Raiders. Snooping around in downtown D.C., Mutants. Breaking into a government controlled underground vault system, some raiders, bugs, wastelanders, nothing too fancy there right? Wrong. Enter Vault 108. Upon cracking open the nuclear worn sealed door, you will be greeted with faint yet ominous, “Gary”. “My name’s not Gary ” you may think to yourself as you proceed to explore deeper, unless your name really is Gary… yikes. As you bypass the mandatory post war vault corpses you begin to notice they are in fact ALL Gary. Then boom, faster than you can think twice about the fact your dad sounds eerily similar to Liam Neeson, a swarm of vault dwellers with the vocabulary equivalent of a Pikachu are plumbing you wit a vast array of melee attacks as they all call out, “Gary”. However once you have defeated the relatively small army of Commander Cody bootlegs and begin your ascension back to the surface, you come to realize how much you enjoyed your visit in Vault 108. You laugh audibly at the fact the dialect comprised entirely of the word “Gary” still involved punctuation and enunciation. From there on out, you could never hear the name “Gary” the same way ever again.
Behold! For he is the prophet of Atom and leader of the undying glow! You stroll into a metal heap fresh off a newly acquired set of daddy issues and after being greeted by Calamity Jane waltz down the crumbling isle way to find a man shouting at an active nuclear bomb that is conveniently placed in the center of town. Without even stopping to think that somewhere out over the horizon this bumbling cesspool might be considered an eye sore, you engage in conversation with the man who is knee deep in irradiated water preaching about “The Glow”. You decide to humor him and toss him 10 rusty bottle caps that have been surely giving you tetanus for days now, and ask him just what in the blue hell his issue is. He informs you that you are now dwelling in his sacred land and that every eye will be blinded by his glory and every ear stricken def to hear the thunder of his voice, Atom that is of course, who lets not forget, is an active atomic bomb. Nevertheless his stories entertain you and you carry on your way now knowing there is in fact organized religion in the wasteland, well more of cult but to each their own. All fun and games right, until you’re be escorted into a basement of a burned down house and being nothing short of breast fed “holy water” by a bunch of dudes high off battery fumes. Even after all that though, you’d feel bad about blowing up Megaton because you’d miss your irradiated little buddy. Hell, he’s even popular out in the commonwealth.
Slinkin’ around downtown near the metros of D.C. and acting like for some unknown reason you are more important than it’s other patrons, you find yourself between a rock and a hard place. By that of course we mean between a sizable camp of raiders placed conveniently in front of a camp of super mutants and an Enclave post (yes, we play with Broken Steel like we were meant to). Naturally instincts kick in as you slip between them into an open building between the two. Inside is not your typical office building or abandon super market however, rather a full scale bachelor pad! When a man who could only ever be described as a cross between Hugh Hefner and Vladimir Putin approaches you wearing nothing but some sexy sleepwear you begin to believe you’ve made the right choice. After you emotionally recover from being given the nickname “Clown shoes” you come to realize while Dukov may live in the middle of a hell hole with two prostitutes who are about as trust worthy as Amada, it’s still a pretty solid set up. Not to mention a fast track to free booze and pre-war money. All thanks to you, you crazy stereotype sex god.
It had to be didn’t it. The absolute greatest minor character in the history of the franchise. What starts out as a bright new adventure exploring the hub gets intriguing when you run into a friendly ghoul, who oddly enough has a sapling sprouted from his head. To each his own you figure and begin listening to his story, which is essentially the entire backstory for the game even though Harold remains largely minute in his actual in game role. After many hours of getting the water chip and putting The Master in his place (you better have), Bing, bang, boom, roll credits. You move on with life until the next generation of the most compelling game in existence brings you back the sweet sensation of post-apocalyptia. Bam here we go. Who am I, The Chosen One (Not Drew McIntyre). What am I doing here, finding the GECK. Got it! But wait, guess who’s waiting in Gecko. It’s our boy tree head, Harold and Bob, that would be the name of the ever growing tree in Harold’s brain, and they want their power plant fixed. Simple enough, fix the plant, move on with life, end the president, obtain the GECK, save the wastes. Another year in the books, but wait, Fallout is back… IN DAZZLING 3D. After hours of searching for your old man, or lets face it, exploring the niche areas of the map because that’s the selling point here really isn’t it, you stumble upon Oasis. Greeted not by Liam or Noel Gallagher, but equally as shocking… trees! Trees blooming with life as far as the eye can see! But why, why are trees growing here and not in the rest of the hellscape that is The Capital Wasteland? I’ll tell you why, Harold. Taking a big ol’ hike up to D.C. Harold and Bob have hunkered down, by decision of Bob and are now the focal point of a cult. Being a cult icon ain’t always jet and hookers though my friend, so once and for all we get to close this chapter of human… tree history and take Harold out behind the wood shed.
In all honesty this was the hardest article I have ever written, don’t get me wrong it was physically the easiest, once I began typing everything just flowed so naturally. The hard part was narrowing down the list of names to a select few! As I am currently writing this there is a list of 13 more names I considered for spot on this blog. Who knows, maybe we’ll do this again sometime soon! If you’d like to see more content like this leave a comment down below and let me know what you thought!
If you are in the hefty majority of states whose governors have now decided they are above the lawmaking process and have deemed the use of masks “mandatory” by their own orders, fear not! While these mandates are NOT laws and cannot be upheld as such, there are still many ill informed people who believe they are and will not hesitate to call the hotline in hopes some higher power will tyrannically fine you. So, for those of you who didn’t sleep through US Gov. class in highschool but are sick of those pesky Karen’s giving you “the look”, I have complied some alternative options you can use to stick it to the Karens while still following the “Mandatory” mask mandates.
First things first let’s examine (for the state of OH) what this mask mandate entails. According to News5Cleveland.com, ” Mike DeWine issued an order Tuesday making masks mandatory for counties in the state where the rampant spread of coronavirus continues to be a rising threat…It will be mandatory for those out in public to wear a mask under the following circumstances: -When they are in any indoor location that is not a residence. -When they are outside and unable to maintain a six-foot distance from those not in their household. -When they are riding or driving in public transportation or ride-sharing.”
Alright cool, now that that’s out of the way, we also need to address that the following parties have been excluded from this mandate: Children Under the age of 10, Anyone with a pre existing medical condition that could be affected by the use of a mask,anyone communicating with the hearing impaired, or anyone working from a home office.
The last thing we need to clarify is the definition of a “mask”. Oxford Dictionary defines a mask as,” covering for all or part of the face”. With that in mind, we now proceed to your alternate options/loopholes for the mask mandates.
1. Gimpin’ Ain’t Easy
Alright, let’s run it down! The gimp mask 100% complies with the definition of a full or partial face covering. Perfect for complete and utter domination in the bedroom or just grabbing a bite to eat at your local Sheetz. Time to check out? No problem! Simply unzip the mouth covering for easy and unmuffled communication.
What’s your favorite Scary Movie? Face covering, Check. While it might not be the most convenient for airflow purposes, the rubber features will provide you with a scent that harkens back to a cool crisp Halloween night in October of 2008. Just don’t be seen around an all star cast of high schoolers and TV news crew.
3. War.. War never changes.
In the case of a real global pandemic, there is no greater benefactor than the classic gas mask. The gas mask is a full face covering ventilator that allows the filtration of clean compressed air. A stable of every post apocalyptic, dystopian, or doom stricken future movie, game, or show, you simply cannot have a global apocalypse without the gas mask. In all actuality, this is what you would actually need to wear should a killer virus with a high mortality rate were to occur.
4. Follow The Buzzard
Not only does it cover your face, you gain a rockin beak with a leather smell! The black plague saw the rise of the plague doctor mask, and if they can handle that, they can handle the “pandemic” that everyone has seemingly forgot was supposedly caused by a bat.
5. Somebody Stop Me!
Try and tell me I don’t have a mask, and witness me whip out the 1994 Jim Carrey The Mask! Like the Frank’s Red Hot lady, I’ve always got that thang on me! Now… when it comes to covering your face it’s quite a simple fix, like the old montra goes, Duct Tape fixes everything.
6. Dial It Up
Onto my personal favorite, as well as one I’ve actually used, The Luchador mask. Face covering? Yep! Always remember your face is not your mouth. I can speak from personal experience that not only does it meet the qualifications of being a mask, asking to remove a luchadores mask is one of the most insulting and disrespectful things you can do in as in Lucha culture masks represent honor and often heritage.