A bucket list is a checklist of items that people would like to complete before they die. It gets its name from the colloquial term “kick the bucket”, which is a euphemism for death.
Some people stack their bucket lists with lofty goals and ambitions. You might want to publish a novel or cure cancer. But a bucket list shouldn’t be a tedious slog. A bucket list should be full of dumb ideas that you won’t care if people know you did because in theory by time you finish your list you’ll be dead. Your bucket list should be full of things like:
◦ Attend a nudist event
◦ Be a flashmobber
◦ Be interviewed by Jay Leno
◦ Be nude at a nude beach
◦ Belong to a secret society
◦ Box a kangaroo
◦ Complete the IMDB top 250 movies
◦ Drink a $200 bottle of wine
◦ Find Nemo
Nothing on your list should ever be something you have to work for your bucket list should just be stupid random shit you would have fun doing.
Peak into what a day in the life of an average American Citizen would have looked like in a timeline where Kanye West won the 2020 Presidential Election.
You’re awoken to the sound of Wolves by President West playing over sirens off in the distance, looking to either side of you is a field with tall grass. You begin to realize you’re surrounded by literally everyone you know and even those you don’t. From Celebrities to distant cousins you haven’t had full conversations with in over ten years; To you close family, friends and even your teachers from P.S.R. showed up. Before you can even begin to fathom your surroundings the purr of an ATV engine can be heard coming from down the side of a mountain within eyesight, it’s President West. You’re on his Wyoming ranch. Before any of this can settle in Kanye West is here and it is time to begin Morning Mass.
After Morning Mass, Yeezy begins his 10 hour studio session with Jay-Z, Drake, Lil Wayne, Kid Cudi, Q-Tip, Elton John, Travis Scott, Mike Tyson, Ronald McDonald, Busta Rhymes, Lil Pump, Justin Timberlake,Michael Bublé, Snoop Dogg, Justin Bieber, Allen Iverson, Tupac (in hologram form), Oprah, God Himself, Aunt Jemima, Uncle Jessie, Tony Hawk (seems like could spit mad bars), Master Yoda, The Underaker, Michelangelo (T.M.N.T.), The Golden Girls (Again, in hologram form with the exception of Betty White), Bob Ross, and Chance The Rapper.
Literally everything else in The United States stays exactly the same and life other than this small exception to our morning’s and mass amounts of Kanye West Albums Produced by a plethora of obscure characters nothing changes. Our Polices as a nation stay the same, nothing changes about our borders, economy, covid regulations stay the same; And life as you know it is normal. God Bless President West and God Bless The United States of America.
It was 2008. At the time, my wife and I were struggling sexually. Not in an erectile dysfunction type of way, but in an adventurous way. We needed to spice things up a little yaknow? So one morning, we saw an ad in the paper.
We knew that this was exactly what we needed. It was the quickest unanimous decision her and I ever made. We knew that Boise didn’t offer much, but goddamn this was something. The fee wasn’t much either. I’m not telling you cuz that’s none of your business. What you do need to know, however, is how quick that 2 hour drive was. We were so excited that we didn’t even pack lunch.
We treated the whole introductory course like we weren’t going to plow the hell out of each other so we didn’t get the instructors suspicious. The minutes felt like hours as we were anticipating the best experience we were ever going to have. It was a cool, sunny day at around 73°F with mild winds. Perfect for hang doin. We drove to the drop site and waited for the right time.
And we have a liftoff! The cool wind grazing against my body only elevated my excitement. I know what I must do.
I signal my wife to open her legs. I make a dive for it. I know that the instructors on the ground are watching but I have been anxious for TOO long. The positioning and timing is perfect. And just like that…I’m in. Our dreams have come true as we are the only people in the world that are currently having sex whilst mid glide, probably. Everything is perfect.
Everything was perfect. The hang glides got intertwined and caused us to come spiraling towards the earth. We knew what we had to do. So right after finishing, we cut the lines and prepared to parachute to the surface. But for some reason, her parachute was still connected to the glide. She tried to escape but it seems that fate had other plans for her.
They heard my name and they’ve heard my desires. I will not confess to these accusations. The satisfaction and glory of the prosecutor will not be met. The judge heard my case. The jury didn’t seem to meet the agreement, however. So, after 14 years they finally got me. They finally got the Hang Glide Killer.
1. Rehab – Bartender Song (sitting at the bar) this song is a top classic it’s more of a mixture of rap and rock and its a party favorite
2. Limp Bizkit – Break Stuff this song right here is a good fighting song definitely a fan favorite who doesn’t need a little Fred Durst in they’re life ya know what I’m saying?
3. Beastie boys – (you gotta) Fight for your right (To party) this song is a party starter everyone knows the famous saying the beastie boys didn’t fight for your right to party to be drinking a white Claw
4. Blink 182 – All The Small Things Let’s face if everyone misses Tom the band isn’t the same without him everyone still bumps they’re older music
5. Neil Diamond – Sweet Caroline Now it’s time for the oldies this song is mainly for fairs or festivals it’s a poplar group sing along
6. Elton John – Rocket man A great song that comes from the heart when this song is played the crowed goes nuts a popular karaoke song in bars
7. Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers – Free Fallin a classic start to the night everyone enjoys this toon on the touch toon thing at the bar and it’ll get the bar going
8. Bon Jovi – Shot Through The Heart A classic that gets the bar ROARING definitely sing along you play this and the bar automatically thinks they’re lead singers
9. Journey – Don’t Stop Believing alright we all know this one right here but once you play this this PEOPLE go insane I’ve witnessed some crazy stuff from people standing on top of the bar dancing like an idiot to it starting bar fights don’t ask me people dig the song
10. Kid Rock- All Summer Long no matter what the what the season is this song is ALWAYS being played it’s more of a end of the night type of song but it’s majorly popular and typically played twice a night maybe three times it seems like no one ever upset that song is over played
I remember it like it was yesterday, I was working as an assistant to the owner of a multimillion dollar enterprise. I was in charge of keeping the house in order, providing council, and most importantly I was entrusted with keeping some of the biggest secrets not only in the company but the city as well. As a very highly respected and beloved member of the community my boss Bruce depended on me in order help keep his affairs in order for his day to day life. This wasn’t any ordinary job for me, I wasn’t simply a housekeeper or a live in, this was my life’s work.
It was crisp fall evening when I brought in the abnormally large stack of mail from the box. As I handed it off to my boss I awaited for him to return the letters he had deemed important to file away. He opened up an envelope embroidered in elaborate detail including a golden seal completing the ensemble. When he had finished reading the letter, he glanced up at me and cracked a coy smile. Informing me he had been invited to an elegant dinner tonight courtesy of some of the town’s highest entrepreneurs, he handed me the paper and retreated to his quarters to get ready. When he emerged from his room, he suddenly halted in his tracks. Looking directly at me in confused manner, Bruce exclaimed, “Well what are you waiting for we have to get going!” Unbenounced to me, he had expected me to join him on this outing. Quicky I raced to my room and threw on my best suit before joining my boss in the car.
Arriving at the restaurant, we took our seats across the table from one another as the waitress began to take drink orders. We sat among some of the most powerful men in the entire city. I listened intently as my boss discussed business strategy and marketing techniques to his fellow entrepreneurs. As our drinks arrived the conversation swelled. An hour had passed seamlessly as our food began to arrive. Conversation ceased as we all began to indulge in the five star meal we had received. A phenomenal blend of seafood and pasta the flavor was exquisite, except for one thing. It needed salt. I glanced over the table to find the salt shaker sitting just right of my boss Bruce on the other side of the table.Slowly my nerves began to build as I did not want to speak out of turn and offset the wondrous evening. Composing myself I had finally worked up enough courage inside to ask for the salt. Slowly setting down my fork I uttered the words that would ultimately haunt me for the rest of my life. Over the silent table full of the most powerful men in town I calmly muttered, “Batman, could you pass the salt?” Everyone’s utensils dropped and mouths fell agape in awe. The most important secret I have ever been in charge of keeping was out. Bruce Wayne quickly got up and made a B-line for his car.
Two weeks later after having no contact I receive my termination letter in the mailbox of my decrepit hotel room located underneath the highway to the airport. Last I heard, he had hired some guy named Alfred to take my place.
Ohio State Governor Mike DeWine has issued an emergency ruling stating that the sale of alcohol in bars and restaurants will be limited to 10pm. Should this ruling be approved by The Ohio Liquor Control Commision, it will be put into effect July 31st 2020. Not only will this proposal ban the sale of alcohol past 10pm but it also declares that any previously served beverages are to be finished by the 11 o’clock hour. Many citizens of Ohio as well as surrounding states now fear the removal of alcohol sales from gas stations as well as the closure of state liquor stores.
So now what, you get off work after a long day and want to sit down and grab a drink with a couple buddies, low and behold there isn’t a place within 100 miles that will provide you the alcohol. Fear not, there is an alternative! I’ve compiled a handful of ways of ensure you will still be able to get plastered while Mike DeWine leveys for prohibition!
1.What About Mouthwash?
When it comes down to it you can’t beat the classics. Trevor Moore put it best, “You don’t need ID to buy it and you can’t show up too late”. While we here at StylesRebelRadio.com in no way support underage drinking, mouthwash has been known to deliver in large quantities to consenting adults. Don’t forget that minty fresh breath!
2. Rub It In, Rub It In
Cracking open a first aid kit with the boys? Hell it is in the name! Desperate times call for desperate measures why not clean up your boo boos on the inside as well as the out! Just keep the number for poison control near by.
3. Clean Up Before She Comes
Look good, smell good, feel good. Cologne typically contains alcohol somewhere between 50 and 90 percent! On the flip side of that if you’ve ever had to get all gussied up in a hurry, you can probably vouge for the fact no matter how good it may smell, cologne will never taste as good.
4. At Least It’s Clean… Right?
Alright now hear me out, Windshield wiper fluid contains methanol as a prime ingredient. Methanol is actually an extreme industrial alcohol , so yes.. this would get you pretty plastered. I mean hell, Juul pods contain the same chemical components as antifreeze and people actually smoke those!
If you’ve made it to this section of the article I’d assume you are smart enough to not try any of these. I don’t think I really need to but just in case there was any doubt, This article is entirely satirical and noting listed above should ever be consumed in any fasit. Neither I, Nor anybody at StylesrebelRadio.com condone any form of underage drinking or the consumption of any of the items listed above. As always, drink responsibly.
Today’s list is gonna be a tough one literally. These guys are as tough as they come. So buckle up and check your jaw. Cause these guys aren’t anything to play with.
#5 Bob Ross now I know what you’re thinking how is Bob Ross a Tough S.O.B when all he’s known for is his painting. But that’s what he wants you to think. You see Bob Ross fought in Vietnam as a Air Force pilot. Also it was rumored that he worked for the government for years after he got out of the military. Till one day he decided to start painting and the rest is history.
#4 The Boxer know as Butter Bean. When a 300 plus pound man can move like a Train and has the strength to knock a man out You know he’s tough Winning the boxing world championship. Also knocking out former WWF wrestler Bart Gunn he was a man of many talents.
#3 Chuck Norris the man so tough he has a third fist in his beard. The man who makes Fear it’s self shake. The man who wears Cowboy boots out of real cowboys. He is the Texas Ranger and one tough S.O.B
#2 Iron Mike Tyson. There is no surprise here called the Baddest man on the planet for a reason. Was undefeated for a long time in boxing also winning the Boxing championship. Knocking some men out in under a minute. Know he’s back at age 53 to perform again in professional boxing the man is an icon and a tough S.O.B.
Finally #1 on our list is Stone Cold Steve Austin the rattlesnake is as tough as they come the only man to ever push Mike Tyson and get away with it. Carrying his company on his back as a WWF superstar. Also abusing his boss both physically and mentally and getting away with it. He is the toughest S.O.B to walk on earth and his name is Stone Cold Steve Austin. That’s the bottom line cause he said so.
If you are in the hefty majority of states whose governors have now decided they are above the lawmaking process and have deemed the use of masks “mandatory” by their own orders, fear not! While these mandates are NOT laws and cannot be upheld as such, there are still many ill informed people who believe they are and will not hesitate to call the hotline in hopes some higher power will tyrannically fine you. So, for those of you who didn’t sleep through US Gov. class in highschool but are sick of those pesky Karen’s giving you “the look”, I have complied some alternative options you can use to stick it to the Karens while still following the “Mandatory” mask mandates.
First things first let’s examine (for the state of OH) what this mask mandate entails. According to News5Cleveland.com, ” Mike DeWine issued an order Tuesday making masks mandatory for counties in the state where the rampant spread of coronavirus continues to be a rising threat…It will be mandatory for those out in public to wear a mask under the following circumstances: -When they are in any indoor location that is not a residence. -When they are outside and unable to maintain a six-foot distance from those not in their household. -When they are riding or driving in public transportation or ride-sharing.”
Alright cool, now that that’s out of the way, we also need to address that the following parties have been excluded from this mandate: Children Under the age of 10, Anyone with a pre existing medical condition that could be affected by the use of a mask,anyone communicating with the hearing impaired, or anyone working from a home office.
The last thing we need to clarify is the definition of a “mask”. Oxford Dictionary defines a mask as,” covering for all or part of the face”. With that in mind, we now proceed to your alternate options/loopholes for the mask mandates.
1. Gimpin’ Ain’t Easy
Alright, let’s run it down! The gimp mask 100% complies with the definition of a full or partial face covering. Perfect for complete and utter domination in the bedroom or just grabbing a bite to eat at your local Sheetz. Time to check out? No problem! Simply unzip the mouth covering for easy and unmuffled communication.
What’s your favorite Scary Movie? Face covering, Check. While it might not be the most convenient for airflow purposes, the rubber features will provide you with a scent that harkens back to a cool crisp Halloween night in October of 2008. Just don’t be seen around an all star cast of high schoolers and TV news crew.
3. War.. War never changes.
In the case of a real global pandemic, there is no greater benefactor than the classic gas mask. The gas mask is a full face covering ventilator that allows the filtration of clean compressed air. A stable of every post apocalyptic, dystopian, or doom stricken future movie, game, or show, you simply cannot have a global apocalypse without the gas mask. In all actuality, this is what you would actually need to wear should a killer virus with a high mortality rate were to occur.
4. Follow The Buzzard
Not only does it cover your face, you gain a rockin beak with a leather smell! The black plague saw the rise of the plague doctor mask, and if they can handle that, they can handle the “pandemic” that everyone has seemingly forgot was supposedly caused by a bat.
5. Somebody Stop Me!
Try and tell me I don’t have a mask, and witness me whip out the 1994 Jim Carrey The Mask! Like the Frank’s Red Hot lady, I’ve always got that thang on me! Now… when it comes to covering your face it’s quite a simple fix, like the old montra goes, Duct Tape fixes everything.
6. Dial It Up
Onto my personal favorite, as well as one I’ve actually used, The Luchador mask. Face covering? Yep! Always remember your face is not your mouth. I can speak from personal experience that not only does it meet the qualifications of being a mask, asking to remove a luchadores mask is one of the most insulting and disrespectful things you can do in as in Lucha culture masks represent honor and often heritage.
Picture it, the mean streets of Lincoln Nebraska , 2016. I had just finished my shift at the smelling salts factory and was on my way home for the evening. Roughly seven miles from my house I decided to pull through the drive-thru of the nearest Taco Bell/ KFC joint restaurant. As I rolled up to the window I decided to order a number 13 combo, Two hard shell taco supremes with a large Baja Blast and a side of the Colonel’s famous home style gravy on the side. The order came to a total of $13.76 which I respectfully paid for with a crisp twenty dollar bill. Pulling into the nearest parking space, I decided to eat my meal in my car before continuing my drive home. As I finished my meal I placed the remaining crumbs along with the associated wrappers in the empty yellow dollar store bag that had been lying in the backseat of my 2003 Chevy Cobalt. As I began pulling out of the parking lot I decided to turn on my car radio where I was pleasantly greeted by the 1999 Grammy award winning hit single Smooth by Carlos Santana featuring the vocals of Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty . The dolsot yet spicy tones soothed me on my drive home.
Upon arriving at my house, I park my car, gather my belongings and get set to head inside. At my door I reach down to grab the keys off of my belt loop only to find the keys to my house are missing. In a panic I began looking around in the driveway as well as the floorboards of my car in search of my house keys. After 3 continuous hours of searching I finally had stumbled across my keys in the small herb garden outside of my front door. A sigh of relief swept over me as I began to raise my keys to the lock. In horrifying shock I noticed that my keys were not unlocking the door! I began pulling and yanking on the door frantically pleading for it to open. Hours had gone by and all of my neighbors had gathered outside to see what was happening. Finally reaching my breaking point, I decided to grab the can of body spray from my car along with my lighter. As I prepared to utilize my last resort, I sparked up my lighter. It was then out of the corner of my eye I realized the address. This was not my house.
Sluggishly returning to my car, I fired up the ignition and began my drive to my actual house. I arrived at the house that showed my home address, unlocked the door and collapsed in exhaustion on my furnitureless living room floor.