It was a typical afternoon after the bombs fell. Sierra was helping me prepare my favorite gin and coke when I randomly got this urge to just punch something. No, my name isn’t Kyle and I don’t drink monsters everyday but sometimes you just get that urge to break things yaknow? I walked outside and the closest thing that I saw that wasn’t mine was a nearby fire hydrant.
After punching it, I realized that my raw strength was too much for this pathetic little yellow hydrant. With regret in my heart, I decided to try and fix it before the fire department arrived. I grabbed the nearest tools that I had in my truck and ran over to the Geiser that I created.
My maintenance skills seemed to prove me right as well….but not well enough. As I was fixing the fire hydrant, I knew it would be a one way trip. The pressure was too much to hold by myself and knowing that I could get engulfed any second, I was ready to meet the end.
After tightening the last bit of the hydrant, I close my eyes and when I open them, I’m confused. I’m lying down in some random gym and I’m repping 225 like it’s nothing? What’s going on? I finish my set and look around. Nothing seems to have changed about me other than the fact that I can now bench 225 for reps. I get a call from a random number.
“Hello Andrew this is Dr. Phillips calling as an update of your health since the accident. We did some more studies and we concluded that your condition was related to the accident and that it will progressively grow over time. The next chance you get, we request for you to schedule another appointment with us. Thank you and bye bye now.”
This isn’t anything that I wanted. This wasn’t supposed to be how my life went. I was so much better than this. The pain in my head keeps growing like demons clouding my thoughts. I know what I must do to stop this endless curse.
I return to the spot that started this all. I see that retched metal tube of water that ruined my life. This is our last fight buddy. I wrap my arms around it and tear it out of the concrete. The pressure explodes but it does nothing to me because of this “condition.” I look down into its soul while it’s in my arms and I whisper to it,
“This is Andrew W.K. and this is Destroy, Build, Destroy.”