As an adult, one of the first and most important decisions you have to make is who your internet provider will be. However once that has been decided the next most important thing will define how you’re perceived by your neighbors and house guests alike, naming your internet router. As somebody who jumped on this opportunity and never looked back, naming my home internet “Router? I hardly know her!”, I feel I am more than qualified to guide you down this path of immortality.
1. Girls Gone Wireless
Imature yet cunning! For the generation that grew up watching televised spring break bikini shows and sneaking onto the world wide web to type in everyone’s favorite three word combination, Girls Gone Wild, this name provides great nostalgia and childish giggles by who view it!
C’mon, we all know what you’re using this one for! A clever play on words, this router name is best put to use in an office setting. Perfect for dress shopping or even just deleting email, Bill Clinternet works best as a private WiFi server, however, may I suggest Monica LuPasskey as the password?
3. It Hurts When IP
You can’t beat the classics! If you’ve ever seen a meme post about WiFi names I’m sure this one has graced your screen. A grade A example of less is more, It hurts when IP is an instant classic that has definitely prompts a quick screenshot! Immature, yes. Worth It, Hell yes. This one is bound to show your neighbors your true maturity level. Bonus! If your neighbors are not in the know about what an IP Address is, you’ll get double the judgement.
4. No More Mr. WiFi
This one’s for you fellow music fanatic! Now yes, yes “No more Mr. Nice guy” is a very common yet cheesy quote. However, For argument’s sake, lakes just say I hope and pray Alice Cooper has this as his home router name! No More Mr. WiFi just will instantly infect those who see it with Alice Cooper on the brain and quite honestly kind of sounds like Weird Al’s next big hit!
5. _______________ Police
A more niche entry, So niche in fact I couldn’t even find an imagen of it! While “Police Surveillance Van” is fun, it is also highly cliche. One I have experienced in real life by a neighbor I’ve never met but greatly respect. The router simply read the name of my city police department. So for example if you live in Dallas, the WiFi would be named “Dallas Police Department”. Working exponentially better for small towns, I can safely say it caught me by surprise the first time I saw it.
10/10 would recommend.
Perfect for apartment life, if you see the opportunity take it! Who needs chat rooms, forums, or even social media? As long as you have a connection and a gullible neighbor, you’ve got hours of entertainment! Harder and harder to come by in 2020, Should you find yourself in this situation, please for the rest of us, document it with plenty of images!
7. You Are The Weakest Linksys
This one is for everyone who grew up with that little blue box! Before we dive into this, Whoever used this idea in the picture above, props to you but next time double check your spelling. You are the weakest Linksys is phenomenal on so many levels. A major shout out to anyone who grew up watching the popular game show Weakest Link, as well as the niche group of select individuals who have used/heard of Linksys! This wins all the creativity points for cleverness!
It is at this point I must limit this list to 8 items, or run the risk of an endless selection of dumb names. Below are just a few of the creative internet names that almost made the list!
- Get Your Own Damn WiFi
- I’m Cheating On my WiFi
- The Promise LAN
- Wu-Tang LAN
- LANdo Calrissian
- Keep It On The Download
- My Own Damn WiFi!
- John Wilkes Bluetooth
- Yell “Penis” For Password
8. Loading, Scanning, Virus
Am I cheating cramming these into one entry, maybe. Do I care, No. All getting across the same point, presumably scaring the illinformed. Make anyone within connection range believe they are either waiting for possible connections to load(Searching…), waiting for their device to connect(Connecting…), or above all else thinking they may have accidentally been connected to a virus infected server. Be it “Virus” or “Trojan.exe” knowing you may have given those looking for a quick free connection a momentary gasp of shock is the ultimate sign of a job well done.
Let me know your WiFi names in the comments below and be sure to follow along with StylesRebelRadio.com for more exclusive content!
Feature image credit: GeekDashboard.com