I'M NOT SURE HOW THIS HAPPENED BUT MY CONSCIOUSNESS HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED FROM MY BODY AND IS LOCKED IN THIS BLOG POST !!!!!! SEND HELP ! SO FAR I CAN ONLY EDIT AND CREATE NEW POSTS BUT I THINK IF EVERYONE LIKES THIS POST AND COMMENTS DOWN BELOW, I MAY BE ABLE TO RETURN TO MY PHYSICAL BODY. I HAVE NO CONCRETE PROOF THIS WILL WORK BUT WE WONT KNOW UNTIL EVERYONE TRIES !! PLEASE I HAVE A FAMILY, FRIENDS, A DREAM, GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS! I LITERALLY HAVE ZERO TANGIBLE SENSES AT THE MOMENT, I AM ONLY MY THOUGHT'S AND FEELINGS TYPED OUT IN TIMES NEW ROMAN. I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHERE I WAS WHEN THIS HAPPENED, MY BODY IS LITERALLY M.I.A. SOMEONE PLEASE FIND IT, HE'S PROBABLY ALL WET AND UNCONSCIOUS. POOR THING. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BEGIN GOING ABOUT GETTING MYSELF OUT OF HERE ! MAYBE TRY THE NSA OR LIKE THE FBI ? SHOULD SOMEONE CALL NERD HERD OR GEEK SQUAD, MAYBE LIKE A PRIEST OR SOMETHING, ID FUCKING K DUDE THIS IS A BIG TIME MESS. IM LITERALLY STUCK ON THIS ONE SINGLE BLOG POST, I CAN'T LEAVE THIS PAGE OR EVEN EXPLORE THE SITE, LET ALONE ANYTHING ON THE WEB FOR THAT MATTER. PLEASE IF ANYONE HAS ANY CLUE AS TO HOW I CAN RETURN TO MY MEAT SACK I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE IT! - SHAYNE E.
P.S. UPDATES TO FOLLOW
As an adult, one of the first and most important decisions you have to make is who your internet provider will be. However once that has been decided the next most important thing will define how you’re perceived by your neighbors and house guests alike, naming your internet router. As somebody who jumped on this opportunity and never looked back, naming my home internet “Router? I hardly know her!”, I feel I am more than qualified to guide you down this path of immortality.
1. Girls Gone Wireless
Imature yet cunning! For the generation that grew up watching televised spring break bikini shows and sneaking onto the world wide web to type in everyone’s favorite three word combination, Girls Gone Wild, this name provides great nostalgia and childish giggles by who view it!
C’mon, we all know what you’re using this one for! A clever play on words, this router name is best put to use in an office setting. Perfect for dress shopping or even just deleting email, Bill Clinternet works best as a private WiFi server, however, may I suggest Monica LuPasskey as the password?
3. It Hurts When IP
You can’t beat the classics! If you’ve ever seen a meme post about WiFi names I’m sure this one has graced your screen. A grade A example of less is more, It hurts when IP is an instant classic that has definitely prompts a quick screenshot! Immature, yes. Worth It, Hell yes. This one is bound to show your neighbors your true maturity level. Bonus! If your neighbors are not in the know about what an IP Address is, you’ll get double the judgement.
4. No More Mr. WiFi
This one’s for you fellow music fanatic! Now yes, yes “No more Mr. Nice guy” is a very common yet cheesy quote. However, For argument’s sake, lakes just say I hope and pray Alice Cooper has this as his home router name! No More Mr. WiFi just will instantly infect those who see it with Alice Cooper on the brain and quite honestly kind of sounds like Weird Al’s next big hit!
5. _______________ Police
A more niche entry, So niche in fact I couldn’t even find an imagen of it! While “Police Surveillance Van” is fun, it is also highly cliche. One I have experienced in real life by a neighbor I’ve never met but greatly respect. The router simply read the name of my city police department. So for example if you live in Dallas, the WiFi would be named “Dallas Police Department”. Working exponentially better for small towns, I can safely say it caught me by surprise the first time I saw it.
10/10 would recommend.
Perfect for apartment life, if you see the opportunity take it! Who needs chat rooms, forums, or even social media? As long as you have a connection and a gullible neighbor, you’ve got hours of entertainment! Harder and harder to come by in 2020, Should you find yourself in this situation, please for the rest of us, document it with plenty of images!
7. You Are The Weakest Linksys
This one is for everyone who grew up with that little blue box! Before we dive into this, Whoever used this idea in the picture above, props to you but next time double check your spelling. You are the weakest Linksys is phenomenal on so many levels. A major shout out to anyone who grew up watching the popular game show Weakest Link, as well as the niche group of select individuals who have used/heard of Linksys! This wins all the creativity points for cleverness!
It is at this point I must limit this list to 8 items, or run the risk of an endless selection of dumb names. Below are just a few of the creative internet names that almost made the list!
Get Your Own Damn WiFi
I’m Cheating On my WiFi
The Promise LAN
Keep It On The Download
My Own Damn WiFi!
John Wilkes Bluetooth
Yell “Penis” For Password
8. Loading, Scanning, Virus
Am I cheating cramming these into one entry, maybe. Do I care, No. All getting across the same point, presumably scaring the illinformed. Make anyone within connection range believe they are either waiting for possible connections to load(Searching…), waiting for their device to connect(Connecting…), or above all else thinking they may have accidentally been connected to a virus infected server. Be it “Virus” or “Trojan.exe” knowing you may have given those looking for a quick free connection a momentary gasp of shock is the ultimate sign of a job well done.
Let me know your WiFi names in the comments below and be sure to follow along with StylesRebelRadio.com for more exclusive content!
Ohio State Governor Mike DeWine has issued an emergency ruling stating that the sale of alcohol in bars and restaurants will be limited to 10pm. Should this ruling be approved by The Ohio Liquor Control Commision, it will be put into effect July 31st 2020. Not only will this proposal ban the sale of alcohol past 10pm but it also declares that any previously served beverages are to be finished by the 11 o’clock hour. Many citizens of Ohio as well as surrounding states now fear the removal of alcohol sales from gas stations as well as the closure of state liquor stores.
So now what, you get off work after a long day and want to sit down and grab a drink with a couple buddies, low and behold there isn’t a place within 100 miles that will provide you the alcohol. Fear not, there is an alternative! I’ve compiled a handful of ways of ensure you will still be able to get plastered while Mike DeWine leveys for prohibition!
1.What About Mouthwash?
When it comes down to it you can’t beat the classics. Trevor Moore put it best, “You don’t need ID to buy it and you can’t show up too late”. While we here at StylesRebelRadio.com in no way support underage drinking, mouthwash has been known to deliver in large quantities to consenting adults. Don’t forget that minty fresh breath!
2. Rub It In, Rub It In
Cracking open a first aid kit with the boys? Hell it is in the name! Desperate times call for desperate measures why not clean up your boo boos on the inside as well as the out! Just keep the number for poison control near by.
3. Clean Up Before She Comes
Look good, smell good, feel good. Cologne typically contains alcohol somewhere between 50 and 90 percent! On the flip side of that if you’ve ever had to get all gussied up in a hurry, you can probably vouge for the fact no matter how good it may smell, cologne will never taste as good.
4. At Least It’s Clean… Right?
Alright now hear me out, Windshield wiper fluid contains methanol as a prime ingredient. Methanol is actually an extreme industrial alcohol , so yes.. this would get you pretty plastered. I mean hell, Juul pods contain the same chemical components as antifreeze and people actually smoke those!
If you’ve made it to this section of the article I’d assume you are smart enough to not try any of these. I don’t think I really need to but just in case there was any doubt, This article is entirely satirical and noting listed above should ever be consumed in any fasit. Neither I, Nor anybody at StylesrebelRadio.com condone any form of underage drinking or the consumption of any of the items listed above. As always, drink responsibly.
Picture it, it’s a lazy friday afternoon after dinner, you saunter into the living room an plop down on the couch next to your dad. As you gaze upon the television you see your father looking through the guide menu on TV Land™. As the previous show fades to black you hear the familiar opening of Everybody Loves Raymond.
The episode opens on Raymond on the couch watching an episode of Andy Griffith. “Maaaaaa!”, Ray exclaims as he polishes off a bowl of chips, “Do we have any more chips?” However before Marie can answer she is interrupted by Debra bursting through the door in tears. As Raymond jumps from the couch startled, Debrah explains how the bank is defaulting on their mortgage and they are in danger of being evicted.
After a sleepless night of pondering Ray decides to ask his boss if there are any position openings that would allow him to pick up some extra shifts. Raymond’s boss informs him that there is an opening for a columnist to cover a statewide high school baseball tournament in New York. Without any logical thought Ray agrees to take the position and informs his family they must relocate to the big apple.
Upon arriving at the family’s new home after an exhausting and tense car ride Ray, Debra and the kids make their way inside and await the arrival of their furniture from the moving company. However after several hours of waiting Ray decides to call the movers to figure out where their stuff is. The company informs Raymond that the movers had an incident with the truck and all of the families belongings would be intercepted by a local delivery company in the morning. Much to his chagrin, Ray curled up on the floor for the night and drifted off to sleep. Waking up the following morning at precisely 8:23AM to a knock on the door, Ray is greeted by a stocky man in a green IPS uniform. The man introduces himself as Doug Heffernan, a delivery driver for IPS who was responsible for intercepting the family’s furniture.
After a generous effort to help Ray move in, the two men begin talking and come to find they have many common interests including golf and excessive drinking. Doug tells Raymond that he won two free tickets to a comedy show tonight in a work raffle and asks if he’d like to go since his wife, Carrie, isn’t interested. Ray agrees to go and the two plan to meet up at a local coffee shop before the show.
Ray arrives first and decides to head inside and grab a quick cup of coffee before they head out. Walking into Central Perk, Ray walks across a group of Friends who are discussing the definition of “a break” rather loudly. Choosing not to get involved and seeing Doug approaching through the window, Ray decides to head out.
Upon arriving at the comedy club the two order an excessive amount if drinks and watch the opening act. By the time the main act is ready to take the stage, both men have grown increasingly intoxicated and obnoxious. The host announces the main act, Jerry Seinfeld, as he takes the stage. Only halfway through the act Jerry has to stop mid performance and ask security to please escort the men out of the club for their obscene behavior.
After receiving a police escort back to Ray’s house the two exit the cop car to find that Ray’s water heater had burst sendong it shooting up from his basement, through his living room, and out his roof landing in the front yard. Ray finds a note taped to the door explaining the Debra and the kids would be spending the night in a nearby motel until the water heater was fixed. Raymond spends all night contacting every plumber and contractor in the area only to find nobody is willing to take the job due to the immense amount of damage. With nowhere left to turn, Ray calls Doug and asks if he has any ideas. Doug tells him he recalls seeing a show on TV about a handyman who claims he could fix it all. Ray decides he has nothing else to lose and gives him a call.
The following morning Tim “The Toolman” Taylor arrives at the house agreeing to fix the damage. After several hours of muttering meaningless and confusing grunts that are audible across several towns, Tim is finally finished with the house. As a sign of appreciation Ray offers to buy excessive amounts of drinks at the local bar for Tim. Doug joins them as he too enjoys irresponsible consumption.
At the end of the night, Ray arrives back at his house in a golf cart that him and Doug somehow acquired thought the evening. Staggering inside, he collapses on the couch and turns on the television. Ray proceeds to pass out watching Andy Griffith on TV Land™.
Like clockwork, as it begins to grow colder outside Spirit Halloween stores begin popping up all over the nation. The popular seasonal retailer makes its home in the empty husk of department stores past. It seems with every passing year Spirit Halloween gains more and more traction growing larger in both size and reach. In this life it would appear there are in fact three things certain: Death, Taxes, And Spirit Halloween finding an abandon building to pedal it’s wears.
Between the years of 2017 and 2019 the American economy began flourishing in ways that hadn’t been seen in several years prior. With a 2.1 GPD increase in the final quarter of 2019, according to bea.gov, business in the US was strong. Now at this point you may be asking yourself, just what does the GDP have to do with Spirit Halloween, or even COVID-19 for that matter? Well it’s simple really, what is the only company that could possibly be harmed by a steady American economy, that’s right Spirit Halloween. Spirit Halloween thrives on the opportunity of moving into the buildings of businesses that have gone under. Meaning if the economy is stable and businesses are able to stay afloat, this poses a threat for the future of Spirit Halloween. Seeing this to be a career threatening issue, is it so unreasonable to think the higher ups at Spirit we’re willing to go to any depths necessary to ensure their future.
Since the introduction of the COVID-19 virus to The United States in late 2019 and through the first quarter of 2020, the GDP has dropped 5%. With an estimated 7.5 million small businesses facing the risk of shutting down (CNBC) Spirit Halloween’s location selection is looking ripe for the picking. Now how would a company such as Spirit Halloween go about being able to cover up such a massive pandemic,why by turning to what they know of course, bats. The initial story reported regarding the discovery of COVID-19 involved the consumption of a bat, otherwise recognizable as an icon of Halloween culture and commonly used influence for Spirit Halloween.
In a world full of uncertainty, panic, and speculation it would seem the only company in a better place coming out of the pandemic this coming fall would be Spirit Halloween. They may not have started or created the virus, but it would appear they have too much steak in the matter to not even be considered a possible link to the COVID-19 outbreak.
I still remember it like it was yesterday, coming home from work at 8:37pm, exhausted, drained, catching ever single light red. When I finally make it to my door after spending approximately 7 minuets fumbling with my keys, it dawned on me I was suppose to make dinner for the family tonight! I burst through the door frantically thinking of something quick and simple but still meal worthy, Something familiar that I know exactly how to make. Then it came to me, CHICKEN PARMESAN! Swinging open my freezer door with maximum force and grabbing the frozen chicken breasts, I slapped those bad boys in a glass bowl and threw them in the microwave to defrost. On to breading, Accidentally tearing my cabinet drawer off it’s hinges I grabbed a brand new can of breadcrumbs and some garlic salt out and tossed the mixture in in a bowl. Hearing the ding of the microwave, I retrieved the freshly soggy breasts and proceeded to batter them in the bowl of breadcrumbs and garlic salt I had prepared while my oven slowly began to preheat to 450.
Upon hearing the buzz of my oven, I placed the breaded chicken in a pan before realizing In didn’t have any Parmesan. In a panic I remembered that I had seen a container of Parmesan cheese in my neighbor’s refrigerator through my window the other day. Quietly without drawing any attention to the window, I reached my arm through into my neighbors kitchen where I grabbed his keys that had been sitting on the counter. Sneaking into the back door of his house a made a B-line for the fridge where I found that just enough cheese was left for my dinner! I grabbed the container and booked it back to my kitchen, praying I had remained unseen. Upon arriving back at my oven, I sprinkled the cheese alone the six breasts laid inside the pan. Sliding the pan inside the perfectly temperatured oven, I closed the door and set the timer for 23 minutes as I began to scroll through my Instagram feed. Pausing briefly after liking a series of photos of Tye Pennington, I looked up to notice that 30 minutes had already passed! Slipping on my Hey Arnold!™ pot holders I opened up the oven door and removed the pan to find six perfectly breaded, golden brow, moist, breasts of Chicken Parmesan. After preparing six plates for my family, I excitedly burst into the living room to inform everyone that dinner was ready only to remember that I live alone. Not only had I forgotten that I live alone, but I had also stopped to grab tacos on my way out of work to eat for dinner. Upon realizing the events that had just transpired, I dropped to my knees in the kitchen before curling up on the floor and falling asleep, alone and naked.