Doggystyle?!! We’re not animals! I know my wife better than that. She may have a habit of getting her hand stuck in the car door, and I am a handy man myself. When it comes to blue collar jobs however, it’s a no go for me. Growing up in the church, I assumed that all women weren’t like my wife.
Look, I know what a succubus is alright? I literally live in the church. I just had no idea that my sweet little angel would act like this. We were just at the county fair enjoying the food when a group of guys walked by dressed as medieval knights. They were quoting absurd things like necromancy and she started to chime in. It’s like she became a completely different person!
After talking to them for 15 minutes, she seemed a little off. I asked her how she knew all of this stuff and she basically shrugged me off. So later that night, I made sure to stay up and make sure she knew I wasn’t awake. What happened absolutely shocked me.
She left the house at 2:40AM. I knew exactly where she was heading. I followed her to one of the large tents at the fair. She had no idea that I was watching from afar. I-I can’t describe what I saw because I get sick. Those men, the cameras, the…I know now that I can never look at her the same again. Later that week, I started faking a bad cough and recommended her to go to the hospital.
The results came in. I had no idea that she was like this. I’ve been married to her for so long. I know I have it too. I-I just. I have to go now. There’s nothing else left to say.
It was 2008. At the time, my wife and I were struggling sexually. Not in an erectile dysfunction type of way, but in an adventurous way. We needed to spice things up a little yaknow? So one morning, we saw an ad in the paper.
We knew that this was exactly what we needed. It was the quickest unanimous decision her and I ever made. We knew that Boise didn’t offer much, but goddamn this was something. The fee wasn’t much either. I’m not telling you cuz that’s none of your business. What you do need to know, however, is how quick that 2 hour drive was. We were so excited that we didn’t even pack lunch.
We treated the whole introductory course like we weren’t going to plow the hell out of each other so we didn’t get the instructors suspicious. The minutes felt like hours as we were anticipating the best experience we were ever going to have. It was a cool, sunny day at around 73°F with mild winds. Perfect for hang doin. We drove to the drop site and waited for the right time.
And we have a liftoff! The cool wind grazing against my body only elevated my excitement. I know what I must do.
I signal my wife to open her legs. I make a dive for it. I know that the instructors on the ground are watching but I have been anxious for TOO long. The positioning and timing is perfect. And just like that…I’m in. Our dreams have come true as we are the only people in the world that are currently having sex whilst mid glide, probably. Everything is perfect.
Everything was perfect. The hang glides got intertwined and caused us to come spiraling towards the earth. We knew what we had to do. So right after finishing, we cut the lines and prepared to parachute to the surface. But for some reason, her parachute was still connected to the glide. She tried to escape but it seems that fate had other plans for her.
They heard my name and they’ve heard my desires. I will not confess to these accusations. The satisfaction and glory of the prosecutor will not be met. The judge heard my case. The jury didn’t seem to meet the agreement, however. So, after 14 years they finally got me. They finally got the Hang Glide Killer.
Are you a fetus? A log? A starfish? No, I’m not talking about the animal you most closely identify with — I’m talking about how you sleep. Dr. Chris Idzikowski, director of the Sleep Assessment and Advisory Service in the U.K., did a study about what your sleeping position says about your personality. Identifying six common sleep postures, Idzikowski surveyed a thousand Brits about their sleep positions and personalities. The survey showed some interesting connections between the way people sleep and characteristics of their personalities. For example, people who slept in fetal position (by far the most common position) had a tendency to show a tough exterior, while being sensitive on the inside; people who sleep on their backs with their hands at their sides, in contrast, tend to be on the reserved side.
Idzikowski admits that while the survey gives real insight into how people sleep, the correlation between personality and sleep position is “probably [a] statistical curiosity” (In comments for an article about the study, Idzikowski suggests that the survey was done more for the sake of novelty than hardcore peer reviewed science; the results of the UK survey were not repeated when he tried the same thing with a Southeast Asian survey group). But still! This is a cool idea, no? The premise of Idzikowski’s study is fascinating, I think, because it suggests that we might express our feelings and attitudes when we are literally unconscious, when we have no ability to shape how others perceive us.
While we don’t have definitive proof that sleep position indicates personality, it’s fun to speculate about what our sleeping positions, which for most of us are deeply ingrained and instinctive, can tell us about ourselves – and especially about how we are in bed…when we’re not sleeping. That’s right, I’m talking about sex. If sleeping position can tell us about personality, might it not also tell us about what we’re like as lovers?
Come with me on a completely unscientific journey as I breakdown what your sleeping position might say about you.
1. The Fetus
Fetal sleepers lie on their sides, with their arms and legs curled inward. According to Idzikowski for BBC News, these sleepers are “tough on the outside but sensitive at heart,” with a tendency to be shy but open up over time. When it comes to their sex lives, sleepers who favor this position may be on the shy side at first, and tentative about reaching out for what they want, both emotionally and sexually. As they get more comfortable over time, however, they’ll become more outgoing and confident. Once they’ve established a solid foundation of trust with their partners, they’re sensitive, generous lovers who aren’t afraid to go for their desires.
2. The Log
If you’re a log, you sleep on you side with your arms straight down beside you. Idzikowski theorizes that log sleepers are social people who like hanging out with popular people and are generally easy to get along with. They trust easily, sometimes too easily. As sexual partners, logs may be fun, outgoing, and willing to try new things. Their tendency to trust people can come back to bite them, however—they’ve had their hearts broken before by people they shouldn’t have trusted.
3. The Yearner
Yearners sleep on their sides with their arms extended in front of them. Idzikowski’s survey suggests that these sleepers have an “open nature, but can be suspicious, cynical.” They take a long time to make a decision, but once they have, they stick to it. In sexual situations, yearners can be standoffish at first and slow to trust—they tend to assume the worst about potential partners. But once someone has finally gained a yearner’s trust, he or she will be in it for the long haul as an open, dedicated partner.
4. The Soldier
Soldiers sleep on their backs with their arms by their sides. The survey suggests that soldiers are characteristically reserved. These quiet people hate drama and expect others to act according to the same high standard that they do. Sexually, soldiers may prefer to stick to a routine – they are not ones for wild sexcapades. That’s not to say they’re bad in bed: they do their best to please and expect the same consideration from their partners. One hint of drama, however, and they are out the door.
5. The Freefall
Freefallers sleep on their stomachs with their heads turned to the side and their arms up around their pillows. The survey showed these sleepers to be “gregarious and brash people, but […] nervy and thin-skinned underneath.” They’re not comfortable with being criticized or with being involved in extreme situations. By this logic, freefallers are fun and outgoing in bed — to a point. They act like they’re into more adventurous sexual behaviors, but they draw the line at hardcore kink. They act uber-confident during sex, but that confidence is fragile. Criticism will send them into a meltdown.
6. The Starfish
Starfish sleep on their backs with their arms up next to their heads. Idzikowski suggests that these sleepers are good listeners who love to help out but don’t like being center stage. As sexual partners, starfish are good, generous lovers who listen to their partners and try to fulfill their needs. They have a hard time, however, advocating for what they want in bed. A good partner to a starfish will need to make sure that he or she gets his or her needs met – even when he or she doesn’t easily speak up about them.
Sex can be a splendid thing, but occasionally our expectations about sex versus the reality can be quite skewed toward the realm of ultimate fantasy. Case in point: Sex with a man. Yes, there are some dudes out there who can uncover the secret wonders of a woman’s unknowns so easily, you may think he’s a Sex Sensei. But then, there are most men who are wonderful too, but flawed human beings just like the rest of us. That doesn’t always stop us from having certain, and sometimes ridiculous, expectations though.
Hollywood stallions has put it in our heads that sex often comes with romantic music, fits of passion on top of cluttered counters, flawless lighting, and minor acrobatics. Similarly, mainstream porn gives us an unrealistic view of how sex looks. But when it comes time to do have sex in the real world with an actual man, there may be a lot more awkward fumbling, accidental injuries and ill-timed noises than the magic of cinema leads us to believe. In the end, that’s all OK though. The laughs, embarrassing moments and mishaps are things you actually remember. Having sex with a guy you care about and can communicate well with is going to be good regardless, so feel free to LOL over some of the expectations you may have previously had.
1. Expectation: You Look At Him, And He’s Suddenly Hard Forever
I am putting on all the moves and wearing my sexiest bra and panties, so this won’t be an issue.
Reality: He Needs A Little Work
Yes, he may get a boner at the most inopportune moments, but they’re not just a switch you can activate. Even though porn makes it look like everyone can get aroused right on the spot, we know that’s definitely not true for women’s arousal, and it’s not always true for guys either.
Expectation: A Lengthy Amount Of Foreplay
Tonight we’re busting out the massage oils and searching each other’s Wonderland’s like an old John Mayer
Reality: Rushes Right Into It
OK, we both have work in the morning so let’s just get right into it and call it a night. We can do that foreplay stuff tomorrow.
Expectation: He’s Going To Hit The G-Spot For Hours!
I read about this new position online that allows for immediate G-spot action guaranteed to blow your mind!
Reality: Wait, Do I Even Have A G-spot?
Are we doing this right? Did he find it? Can I even find it? Do I actually have a G-spot or am I some unlucky sub-human?
Expectation: I Will Be One Of The Rare Unicorns To Have A Vaginal Orgasm
Once again, did my research online and the two of us are ready to do all the moves so I can finally experience the fabled vaginal orgasm.
Reality: Or Not
Is everyone lying to me? Getting on top again so we can get some clit action going.
Expectation: Switching Up Positions Like Two Regular Porn Stars
He’s a mighty super hero in the sack, ready to flip me over, lift me over his head, and do just about any other mystical thing only Sex Gods can do.
Reality: We May Have Some Awkward Injuries After This
He tried to switch from missionary to doggy and we both bumped our heads on the headboard. OW.
Expectation: Nicholas Sparks Will Write Pages About Us
Tonight we are going to make lovea laThe Notebook filled with unwavering intimacy and connection. It’ll be just the two of us, colliding together as if we were melding into one another.
Reality: A Lot Of Awkward Noises We’re Just Going To Ignore
His dog is sitting there and watching us as the bed creaks and neither of us can stop laughing.
Expectation: We Are Going All Night This Time
We both drank espresso with dinner, and tonight will finally be the night where we do nothing but have sex. He’s even researched some mental tricks and positions so he can last longer. Let’s do this. #sexmarathon
Reality: 10 Minutes Later, We’re Both Kind Of Exhausted
Love and sex are two different things. However, there are very different opinions in the society about how they connect. Some believe that the two are almost interchangeable. They assume that if sex is present, then love is as well. This can lead down some very rough roads. Others believe that the two aren’t connected at all. They believe that you can easily have one without the other without any lasting effects. However, there are many reasons why love and sex go together, including the following:
Can My Relationship Survive With Just Sex?
Love and Sexual Desire Come from The Same Place
If you want to leave emotion and opinion out of the debate about if love and sex go together, science has proven that they are connected. Canadian researchers conducted a study in 2012 that found the part of your brain that handles emotions is where sexual desire comes from. Both emotional love and sexual desire are from the insular cortex. These findings lead people to believe that the two are connected to a level that removes our choice from it. We can choose to have sex when love is not present, but it can be difficult for emotions to handle.
Sexual desire and love lead to some of the same reactions in your brain. That means it can be easy to confuse what you are experiencing. This is why some people struggle to think that they are in love after they have sex when the other person doesn’t. Science also explains that this makes sex even better when you are in love because you are getting a double dose of the chemicals that make you feel good. We’ll explain these later in the article.
Love Makes Sex More Fulfilling
Penn State researchers did a study with respect to sexual experience and sexual connection where they questioned 98 women. They found that the majority of women believe that when love is present, the sexual experience is better and more fulfilling. These results were regardless of it being in a marriage or a dating relationship. There are several reasons why it’s believed that this happens, and they are included below.
Love Adds Trust and Comfort to The Mix
This could be counted as two different reasons. However, they are closely related. You can’t trust someone that you don’t know. That means one-night stands will never be able to stand up to the complete sexual experience that love can provide. When love is present, trust is also present. Trust adds a certain level of comfort to the relationship, including in sex. That means when you are making love with someone that you fall in love with, you aren’t worried about being judged.
This connection also means that you can be more open during the sexual experience. You can easily share the things that you like and what you don’t like. You won’t be afraid to ask for the things that you want. And, you know you are loved, and therefore you can relax at a level that you cannot reach when love is absent during sex.
Sex is More Meaningful with Love
Sexual desire is one way to show love to another person. You can have sex without love being present, but then sex is just sex. There is nothing more to it. Even if you physically enjoy it, there will be a level of emptiness that comes with making love when love is absent. There is no real meaning to it. You know that it leads to nothing else. However, when you love the person that you are with, it takes the sexual experience to a deeper level. Emotional needs are being met as well as physical needs.
People Try Unsuccessfully to Fill the Void of Love with Sex
You probably know someone that is constantly on the lookout for one-night stands. They aren’t even looking for a relationship they are just looking to hook up. There is no love involved in these types of connections; it is purely sexual. The reason this person has to keep searching for the next experience is that sexual fulfillment is short-term. There is no lasting positive impact from a one-night stand or empty sex. However, if this person starts to experience a loving relationship, they don’t have to go out hunting for the next hook up. Whether they want to admit it or not, they are filling the void of love in their life with sex.
Marriages Without Sex Struggle or Fail
There are plenty of jokes in society about how seldom sex is had once you are married. However, the subject is no laughing matter. It’s a real problem in marriage that leads to all kinds of other issues. In marriage, making love communicates a level of love and desire. You want to be wanted by your spouse. Therefore, if your spouse refuses to have sex with you, the message you are communicating is that you don’t desire them physically, which makes them feel that you do not love them either.
When a marriage continues in this way, there are a few things that tend to happen. The first is that the partner that feels unloved and unwanted will begin to seek that fulfillment from other sources. This can quickly lead to extra-marital affairs. Even if this doesn’t happen, that partner can begin to withdraw from the relationship, which then leaves the other person feeling unloved as well. This causes distances, arguments, and hurt feelings throughout the marriage.
Can My Relationship Survive With Just Sex?
Sex in A Loving Relationship Deepens the Feelings of Love
Couples that love each other tend to have sex more often. When both partners are engaged and have sex regularly, it deepens the feelings of love that they have for each other. This goes back to the first reason listed and the way that your brain works. It’s also why the feelings of love begin to die in sexless marriages.
Love and Sex Are Connected
No matter how hard society tries to remove love from the sexual experience, it is impossible to do. Love and sex are connected. You can have sex without being in love, but it does not lead to any positive long-term situations. Instead, making love without love opens up the door for many difficulties and emotional confusion. In the same way, if you are in a long-term romantic relationship, eventually sex comes into play. One without the other will not work for you long-term.
Problems That Can Arise When You Try to Disconnect the Two
Emotional emptiness – When you are having sex without being in love you will always be looking for more because the sexual experience is not meeting the full need of what you are looking for, even if you don’t realize it at the time. You are left with an empty feeling and believe the only way to fill it is with more sex. In reality, a deeper relationship where love is involved in the solution you are looking for.
Misunderstood experiences – If you believe that love and sex are the same things, and not just connected, you will be led into sexual experiences because you are seeking love and believe you will find it by making love. This is only setting yourself up to be hurt. Love and sex are connected, but they are not the same. Many people will have sex with you to try to meet their needs, even if they have no feelings of love for you.
You either use people or get used by people – When you are in a loving relationship, you both want the same thing which eventually promotes your sexual compatibility. Your sexual experiences are deepening your relationship and you want to please the other both in and out of bed. However, when love is removed from a sexual experience, it is purely selfish. You are either looking for love or looking to have your sexual needs fulfilled. There is a lack of care about what the other person needs. Your focus is on yourself.
You lose your relationship – It’s hard to maintain a romantic relationship long-term without making love. If you’ve been married for years and think that making love. isn’t necessary to your relationship anymore, you are wrong. Although you might feel that making love isn’t necessary, there are chances that your spouse doesn’t feel the same way.
Bring back date night. Getting back in touch with your spouse can renew your sex life and your love for one another. Make time for the two of you and your relationship will flourish.
Start a new hobby together.Making new, fun memories together can renew a lost spark. Find something you will both enjoy and dive in.
Your partner won’t have a chance to work on the relationship if they don’t know there’s a problem with it. Communicate your issues, big and small, to protect the love and sex in your relationship.
Seek professional help. Troubles that arise in life around love and sex are some of the hardest that there are to work through. Both sex and love are incredibly complex issues that have many variables in play. If you’re struggling with situations in your life because of relationships, talking to a sex therapist can be one of the most effective ways to work through the situation. While both love and sex are deeply personal experiences, sometimes talking to an outside party that is not connected in any way can be the most effective at helping you see what’s happening.
Before you jump into another meaningless sexual relationship or before you lose your marriage due to lack of sex, seek help. Love and sex are undoubtedly connected. Understanding how they are connected and how that impacts your life is the key to finding the balance you desire.
Between kissing, touching, and moaning, sex is a pretty sense-heightening activity, and that includes your sense of smell. I mean, have you ever tried to pinpoint the odor and just kept wondering: What does sex smell like, exactly?
Have you ever noticed a smell during sex?
As it turns out, there are lots of scents—mostly pleasant but occasionally not—that you can sniff out if you pay attention in the bedroom, all combining for that “smells like sex in here!” effect. Here are some common sex smells, according to experts who *know* the human body:
Your scent, your partner’s scent, and the scent of both of you together.
Generally speaking, everyone has their own scent down there, says Jessica Shepherd, MD, a gynecologist in Dallas affiliated with Baylor University Medical Center. That means, even if you’re female and your partner is female, you’ll each have your own scent. And when your genital scent combines with someone else’s genital scent (of any gender), the two of you will together create a different scent, Dr. Shepherd says. Science! This might be why smells vary from partner to partner.
People get wet in a lot of ways during sex, and sweat is another one of them. Perspiration adds a whole other ingredient to the aroma. “That can create different scents as well,” Dr. Shepherd says.
If your sex sweat makes you at all uncomfortable, as much as you can, try to embrace it. After all, it’s totally normal! Oh, and fun fact: Stress can make your perspiration smell worse, so you might as well relax! Just be sure to wash your sheets on the reg.
A sweet smell
The saccharine smell of whipped cream, the chocolate-y aroma of, well, chocolate sauce… Dr. Shepherd says she thinks food is a great way to enhance sex. And the foods’ smells no doubt play a part in that.
That said, be careful where you put them. “There are certain foods that you should be cautious of that can irritate the vaginal mucosa,” Dr. Shepherd warns. “Sometimes the sugar content in a whipped cream, syrup, or chocolate sauce might irritate the vaginal canal to create a yeast infection or an irritation on the outer part of the vagina.”
You should also be cautious of peppers and other foods that evoke spicy smells; spicy products could cause burning or irritation down below, she says. And “with any food that’s used during sex, make sure that you wash the area after to decrease any irritation of the genitals.”
Food-y scents can also come by way of lube or condoms flavored as everything from peppermint to watermelon. You can even find organically flavored lube and condom varieties these days.
If you want to try these babies out, Mary Jane Minkin, MD, clinical professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive sciences at the Yale School of Medicine, recommends skipping the economy box the first time around. “Please get a small package and see how it does for you, if it irritates or makes things feel itchy or uncomfortable,” she says. If it does, move on to a different one.
Of course, even unflavored condoms can offer up a bit of an odor—a rubbery one. If the condom brand you’re using smells a little too latex-y for your liking, you might try Okamoto 004 Almost Nothing Latex Condoms, which don’t have a strong latex smell
Oh, and if your condom’s latex scent comes with a side of itchiness and irritation right after sex, you may have a latex allergy. The good news: Non-latex condoms exist. They’re made from polyurethane or lambskin, and they’re pretty common in stores. The bad news: Polyurethane condoms may be more expensive and more easily breakable than latex ones, according to Cleveland Clinic, and lambskin condoms won’t protect you against STIs.
A fishy smell
No sex smell should be bad or fishy. If that’s what you’re smelling, reach out to your doctor, because it could be a sign of a bacterial imbalance like bacterial vaginosis, says Dr. Minkin. Your partner might want to get checked out, too, even if he’s a guy: Seminal infections can also produce a fishy odor. Another potential cause of a down-below fishy odor that both women and men can get is the STI trichomoniasis, Dr. Minkin adds.
Sex is important when it comes to any romantic relationship.
Sure, there’s much more to a relationship than sex, but getting busy is a major factor in maintaining a healthy, long-term partnership.
After dating for a period of time, many couples allow sex to fall by the wayside. Although this may seem like a normal evolution as relationships become more comfortable, it’s important that you understand why sex is important in a relationship — whether that relationship has been going on for three months or three years.
Sex can improve the connection between you and your partner, decrease stress and could even increase your lifespan!
Reason #1: Intimacy Increases Connection
The words “sex” and “intimacy” can be used interchangeably, but they aren’t always one in the same. Case in point, the connection that comes from sex during a relationship is quite different than that you may feel after a one night stand.
When I talk about why sex is important in a relationship, I’m referring to intimate sex. So what is makes sex intimate?
A mutual respect and understanding of one another
Clear, open communication about desires as well as boundaries when it comes to sex
Comfort with yourself and the other person
Sex is just one aspect that can build intimacy, trust, and longevity in a relationship. And why is this connection so important?
Being able to have an intimate sexual relationship with someone is something that involves complete trust and respect. It also involves foregoing any shame, doubt or insecurity (you are gonna be naked, after all — it doesn’t get much more vulnerable than that) in favor of being with someone in a physical, emotional way.
Reason #2: When That Connection Builds Over Time, it Continually Strengthens the Relationship
Having sex with someone — when it’s not purely for gratification, as with a one night stand or booty call — can be one of the pinnacles in building trust and strength in a relationship.
Sex in a committed relationship is a very special thing. Having sex means sharing yourself completely with someone and — regardless of how pleasurable sex is — it’s an extremely vulnerable state. As a carnal act, sex allows us to let go of our inhibitions, while also allowing us to feed our inhibitions and desires.
In a committed relationship, all these things are reserved for one person, which makes it extremely special and is one more reason why sex matters in a relationship.
Reason #3: Sex is Important for Your Overall Health
The third reason why sex is important in a relationship can actually lower your mortality.
Want to decrease your visits to the doctor? Put in some time in the bedroom to prevent a sick day or two.
Getting busy isn’t just about a good time, people — it could actually save your life!
According to a bevy of studies, intercourse boasts a plethora of health benefits, including:
Decreased stress and anxiety
Greater ability to fight off colds and infections
Increased fitness levels
A more youthful appearance (no, really!)
Decreased risk of heart disease and certain cancers
Looking at this list, it’s easy to see why sex is important in a relationship. And as far as taking care of your health goes, this is definitely one of the more enjoyable methods — i.e., getting busy definitely beats going on a juice cleanse.
Reason #4: Sex Can Contribute to Happiness
Saying that sex makes us happy may seem like stating the obvious, but allow me to elaborate.
That after sex glow that leaves you grinning from ear to ear can carry over into your overall happiness as a couple.
According to research published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, couples who have sex once a week tend to be happier overall — significantly happier than couples who reported having sex once a month or less.
Moreover, for whatever reason, the “once a week” method seemed to yield the greatest results. A caveat is that, although this is frequent, going much above this number can lead to discomfort and negatively impact your relationship.
Basically, if your sex life is getting in the way of your daily responsibilities, it’s time to slow down.
Reason #5: It’s Important for You to Both Feel Desirable
One semi-obvious reason sex matters in a relationship is desirability. Feeling desirable comes from more than physical elements of a relationship. Still, it’s undeniable that sex is an important component in letting both you and your partner know that — no matter how long you’ve been together — ya still got IT!
For both men and women, feeling desirable is essential to happiness and confidence in a relationship. We often hear about the importance of letting women know they are desirable, but this emphasis can sometimes come at the cost of male self-esteem.
Society can often lead women to mistakenly believe that, in order for a man to enjoy sex and feel desirable, they can simply show up. If a man is able to climax, some women may assume he is good to go and won’t give a second thought to the fact that she wasn’t feeling it.
But according to research, feeling desirable is just as important to men. And if the woman a man is with is noticeably disinterested in sex, it’s not going to make for a very intimate or enjoyable situation for the guy.
Surveyed men indicated that the following were important to them and made them feel desirable:
Compliments about physical appearance
Enthusiasm during sex
For women, any form of sex has the potential to leave them feeling desirable, but the highest form of desirability comes when sex is a part of love. Attraction and sexual desire are just as much about mental stimulation as physical stimulation for women.
Below are some additional ways you can use sex to increase a feeling of desirability for you and your partner.
Good Sex Requires Practice
As with most things in life, practice makes perfect!
Sex is no exception.
A mistake many couples make as they get further into a relationship is allowing comfort to replace libido.
Now, it’s completely understandable that the gotta-have-you-right-then-and-there desire that accompanies that honeymoon phase of dating will dim somewhat, but that doesn’t mean you and your partner can’t still get creative when it comes to knocking boots.
Communication, Communication, Communication
It’s important that you and your partner keep sexual discussions open and frequent. These discussions should feel safe and free of judgment, which will allow both you and your lady to open up about what you both want out of your sexual relationship — what you want more of, what you haven’t tried yet, and what you’d prefer to STOP doing.
Be prepared to put your pride aside and not take things personally. For example, maybe something you enjoy (and assumed your partner enjoyed) during sex is something like light hair pulling. But then, once you allow her to have the floor on what she does and doesn’t like, she lets you know that it’s just not her thing.
Remember that this is not a critique of your sexual prowess — this is simply a matter of personal preference.
Being able to communicate and set boundaries will leave you both feeling more comfortable and open during sex, which can ALSO lead sexual activity to become more frequent.
Reason #6: Discover Something New
A final reason why sex is important in a relationship is that it allows you to consistently be surprised (pleasantly, that is) by your partner, and vice versa.
The more often you and your partner have sex, the more likely it is that you’ll get into a rhythm you both enjoy AND that you may discover new positions, foreplay etc. that work well for each of you, thus improving your sex life and emotional connection.
When people hear “kink” they often think of things like BDSM—chains, whips, restraints, etc. Sure, kink can include those things. But really, it’s simply a sexual act that’s seen as unconventional—and can add excitement and fun into your sex life!
Kink is usually looked at through the lens of what a given culture or society deems normal, but it’s also relative to each couple and individual. If the missionary position seems foreign to you, but you don’t think twice about using blindfolds, missionary could be defined as one of your kinks.
Kink sometimes gets a bad or shameful reputation in society, but it can be a perfectly normal and healthy expression of sexual interests. Research even shows people who practice BDSM are less neurotic, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, have higher subjective well-being and other great things. Wanting to explore doesn’t make you weird; it makes you open to an experience that could enhance your sex life!
There are so many different manifestations of kink that it’d be impossible to touch upon them all in one article. Below, the focus is on introducing activities you and your partner could try right away, rather than discussing the more complex or layered manifestations of kink. After all, there are literally dozens of different kinks out there, ranging from things like mummification to pony play.
Think of this as your guide to getting started and know there’s plenty more to explore if you enjoy it.
Preparing for a Positive Experience
It’s always important to engage in clear discussions about desires, expectations and boundaries before you try something new in bed, but it’s even more important when kink is involved. If you’ll be exploring light pain, for example, you’ll want to ensure you don’t walk away feeling physically and/or emotionally hurt by your partner. Ensuring everyone is on the same page helps foster a positive sexual encounter for all involved.
Each partner should take time to identify what they are dying to try, what they are open to exploring if it’s their partner’s desire and what they don’t want to do. Then talk about it and decide how the encounter will go. For example, maybe you decide to try handcuffs, but only during foreplay. The more explicit you can both be about your expectations and boundaries, the better the experience will be.
Engaging in a Positive Experience
Try starting out small. Avoid trying a bunch of new activities right from the start as this can get overwhelming. Pick one or two things to try. You can always add in more later on down the line.
It’s also helpful to proactively check in with your partner throughout the experience. Ask questions to see what they feel like doing, such as, “Would you like to tie me up now?” or “Can I pull your hair?” Since so much of exploring kink with your partner is dependent on communication, never be afraid to ask questions. Plus, far as we’re concerned, it’s just good manners to ask someone how hard they want to be spanked.
Keep in mind you may need to adjust as you go. Maybe you have to re-tie the restraints because someone’s arm got uncomfortable or you take the blindfold off because it wasn’t enjoyable. It’s all part of the learning experience.
Beginner Kink Activities
The world of kink is vast and really only limited by your imagination. Below are some common ways to dip your toes into the water.
Removing visual stimuli can help make it easier to focus on touch sensations happening on your body. It can also make sensations stronger since you won’t know what’s going to happen or where. All you need is his tie, a sleep mask, a scarf or some other material that will block out light and not be uncomfortable against your skin.
Blindfolds are fun everywhere, and can be used in everything from foreplay to full-on sex.
Restricting your hands can give you one less thing to think about, which can make it easier to get into the moment. You won’t need to worry about whether you should be scratching his back, massaging his neck, etc. Instead, you’ll be in, “can’t do anything but receive pleasure” mode. Many women find this to be especially enjoyable while receiving oral.
Or maybe you want to flip the script and tie your partner up. Many women find this approach helps them feel dominant and powerful. You can even try both approaches to see which you and your partner enjoy more.
You can use a variety of materials for bondage, such as a scarf or rope. Aim for tight enough to restrict your range of motion, but not so tight that it hurts or you feel trapped. A good rule of thumb is tying it so you can still slip two fingers between the material and the skin.
Biting, Scratching, and Spanking
These sharp sensations can create a great contrast to gentle touch. They can give bodies a jolt of energy, make other sensations more sensitive and even release endorphins. Beginners usually don’t want these to actually feel painful and instead focus on them creating a new feeling on the skin. Wait until the partner is really turned on as this will increase their pain tolerance and help generate a better sensation.
For biting, some good spots are the neck, the shoulders and the butt. For scratching, you can consult the Kama Sutra for some great technique recommendations. One favorite is the “peacock’s foot”, which involves scratching the breast with all five nails. This can be done towards or away from the nipple. For spanking, try rubbing the area first before you smack. You can use a hand, a wooden spoon or even a paddle from a sex toy shop.
Aftercare is a term used to describe the process of checking in together after a kink session. It often involves nurturing your partner through cuddling, tender kissing and talking about things. Go over what you did and did not enjoy. One or both partners may struggle with feeling a little distant afterwards or shame about engaging in less common sexual acts. Talk through how you both felt, what you didn’t like and what you can’t wait to try again. Keep exploring kink and you’ll find some great ways to add to your sex life.
This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The information contained herein is not a substitute for and should never be relied upon for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of any treatment.
We’re all very sad that Cedric Diggory is dead, but can I just say something even sadder? Cedric Diggory isn’t just dead — he died a virgin (who can’t drive!). I mean, yes, that is just an assumption on my part, and no, sex is not required for a fulfilling human existence (or necessarily ever even taught at Hogwarts), but also just like…Cedric. (OK, I’m objectifying a 17-year-old boy who basically wears a cape, so I’m cutting myself off.) What I’m trying to say without actually saying “YOLO” is that our time on this earth is limited, and there is no point in denying that Hogwarts graduates itself some sexy, sexy beasts. And if you’re looking to navigate that field of sexy, you can actually tell a lot about a person’s sex life based on what Hogwarts house they’re in.
Full disclosure, guys: I am a Hufflepuff/Slytherin hybrid. The actual sorting hat in the actual Pottermore game told me so. It is based off of this experience and the experiences of my Gryffindor and Ravenclaw friends that I can attest to the individual prowesses of each house to a pretty damn accurate degree, so gather round, all ye Potterheads. Here’s what your house says about your sex life:
The sex you’re having: You’re havin’ sex all day, erryday—and the weirder it is, the better. Risk-taking turns you on like whoa, and during sexy games of “truth or dare” you are always, always, always “dare”. Despite all your sexnanigans, you have a relationship heavily rooted in mutual trust. Your safe word is “snarfalump.”
Where you’re having it: The edge of the Forbidden Forest. Muggles’ cars. On broomsticks in midair. Mid-apparating. IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CAN DO IT.
Sex jam of choice: “Get Lucky,” Daft Punk.
The kind of sex you’re having: Intimate, missionary, incredibly chatty sex. Yeah, you blow each other’s minds, but sex can also randomly turn into an impromptu book club or intense discussion about what kind of takeout you want delivered. Seamless is your love language.
Where you’re having it: The bedroom. Under the boardwalk. In the rain. Anywhere you’ve seen it done in a rom com.
Sex jam of choice: “Let’s Get It On,” Marvin Gaye. Hufflepuffs—#basic and proud.
What kind of sex you’re having: Anyone who thought that the nerds were having humdrum, textbook sex is ridonkulously wrong. Ravenclaws rival Gryffindors on the experimentation front, and are willing to try anything once. They are the pros of shameless, open communication during sex, and are rarely if ever self-conscious doing the deed.
Where you’re having it: In the office. In the ~restricted section~. Near the fireplace. In front of some cats.
Sex jam of choice: “Love Me Like You Do,” Ellie Goulding.
What kind of sex you’re having: You will never have a partner as dedicated to gettin’ you some as a Slytherin. They’ve got unparalleled ambition, and your orgasm is game, set, MATCH. However, they will not hesitate to blue ball you the moment you make a “slither … in” joke. THIS HAS BEEN A PSA. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
Where you’re having it: Your bedroom. Other people’s bedrooms. The very expensive heirloom couch your dead grandmother left you.
Sex jam of choice: “Feelin’ Myself,” Nicki Minaj and Beyoncé.
You might have heard those old school phrases about hair like “blondes have more fun,” but did you ever wonder if they actually do? You hair color can say a lot about your personality. It can say even more about sexual personality.
Most know that natural redheads are rare, making up only two to six percent of the U.S. population, but what is not so commonly known is they tend to have more sex. A study conducted by Werner Habermehl, Ph.D., from the Hamburg Research Institute in Germany looked at hundreds of German women’s sex lives in conjunction with their hair color. It found that the redheaded women were much more sexually active than their blond and brunette counterparts. “The research shows that the fiery redhead certainly lives up to her reputation,” said Professor Habermehl to Everyday Health.
Redheads are often considered sexy and desirable. According to Psychology Today, the reason behind this is not cut and dry, but it likely has to do with how rare they are. People tend to be attracted to hot commodities, and natural redheads are certainly that. Red hair is also a sign of youth and fertility, because it’s the opposite of gray hair (which signifies to men that a woman can no longer bear children). It’s also bold and attention grabbing, which is why many people assume redheads are fiery (although there’s no scientific evidence to back that up).
Brunettes are often seen as hard-working, smart and trustworthy. Sixty-seven percent of female CEOs said they would hire a brunette over any other hair color. According to the Daily Mail, this stereotype is so embedded in our society that 31 percent of natural blondes dye their hair brown in order to get ahead at work. A quarter of those women said they were actually given a promotion post hair color change.
Brunettes are usually more reserved in the bedroom — less than half of the brunettes polled in a survey of 2,500 said they’ve had a one-night stand. However, while they may be more reserved in choosing a partner, once they engage in sex, they seem to surpass the rest. According to a 2013 study, 58 percent of people say brunettes are better in bed. So even though redheads are jumping in the sack more, brunettes are apparently outperforming them.
Men also seem to find brunettes overall the most attractive. The University of Westminster in the U.K. conducted a study where they monitored the male attention a fair-skinned woman received while sporting blond, brunette and red hair colors. While her blond color attracted the most attention, the men once further poled, divulged they were most into her as a brunette.
Blond is the most coveted hair color among women, because the lighter hue is often associated with youth and beauty. Again, the reason for this is not straightforward, but scientists assume it’s because blondes tend to have higher levels of estrogen in their bodies. This in turn makes them look overall more feminine, and thus more attractive to men. According to The Guardian, these higher estrogen levels also make features smaller and finer, which enhances that youthful baby look, which signifies fertility. That whole notion of blondes having more fun? That also stems from these higher estrogen levels, which make for women with higher levels of energy.
Blondes also tend to be the wild and crazy ones in the bedroom. According to a poll of 1,500 men in the UK, 36 percent of men consider blondes to be the most spirited between the sheets. Also, in the previously mentioned bar study, blondes were considered the most approachable and open. However, when it comes to marriage material, brunettes unequivocally win out with 61 percent of men saying they’d prefer to tie the knot with them. Sorry, blondes. I suppose you’ll just have to leave boring, married life to your more serious, dark-haired sisters.