I still remember it like it was yesterday, coming home from work at 8:37pm, exhausted, drained, catching ever single light red. When I finally make it to my door after spending approximately 7 minuets fumbling with my keys, it dawned on me I was suppose to make dinner for the family tonight! I burst through the door frantically thinking of something quick and simple but still meal worthy, Something familiar that I know exactly how to make. Then it came to me, CHICKEN PARMESAN! Swinging open my freezer door with maximum force and grabbing the frozen chicken breasts, I slapped those bad boys in a glass bowl and threw them in the microwave to defrost. On to breading, Accidentally tearing my cabinet drawer off it’s hinges I grabbed a brand new can of breadcrumbs and some garlic salt out and tossed the mixture in in a bowl. Hearing the ding of the microwave, I retrieved the freshly soggy breasts and proceeded to batter them in the bowl of breadcrumbs and garlic salt I had prepared while my oven slowly began to preheat to 450.
Upon hearing the buzz of my oven, I placed the breaded chicken in a pan before realizing In didn’t have any Parmesan. In a panic I remembered that I had seen a container of Parmesan cheese in my neighbor’s refrigerator through my window the other day. Quietly without drawing any attention to the window, I reached my arm through into my neighbors kitchen where I grabbed his keys that had been sitting on the counter. Sneaking into the back door of his house a made a B-line for the fridge where I found that just enough cheese was left for my dinner! I grabbed the container and booked it back to my kitchen, praying I had remained unseen. Upon arriving back at my oven, I sprinkled the cheese alone the six breasts laid inside the pan. Sliding the pan inside the perfectly temperatured oven, I closed the door and set the timer for 23 minutes as I began to scroll through my Instagram feed. Pausing briefly after liking a series of photos of Tye Pennington, I looked up to notice that 30 minutes had already passed! Slipping on my Hey Arnold!™ pot holders I opened up the oven door and removed the pan to find six perfectly breaded, golden brow, moist, breasts of Chicken Parmesan. After preparing six plates for my family, I excitedly burst into the living room to inform everyone that dinner was ready only to remember that I live alone. Not only had I forgotten that I live alone, but I had also stopped to grab tacos on my way out of work to eat for dinner. Upon realizing the events that had just transpired, I dropped to my knees in the kitchen before curling up on the floor and falling asleep, alone and naked.