story – Style's Rebel Radio

I Died and Woke Up Benching

It was a typical afternoon after the bombs fell. Sierra was helping me prepare my favorite gin and coke when I randomly got this urge to just punch something. No, my name isn’t Kyle and I don’t drink monsters everyday but sometimes you just get that urge to break things yaknow? I walked outside and the closest thing that I saw that wasn’t mine was a nearby fire hydrant.

After punching it, I realized that my raw strength was too much for this pathetic little yellow hydrant. With regret in my heart, I decided to try and fix it before the fire department arrived. I grabbed the nearest tools that I had in my truck and ran over to the Geiser that I created.

My maintenance skills seemed to prove me right as well….but not well enough. As I was fixing the fire hydrant, I knew it would be a one way trip. The pressure was too much to hold by myself and knowing that I could get engulfed any second, I was ready to meet the end.

After tightening the last bit of the hydrant, I close my eyes and when I open them, I’m confused. I’m lying down in some random gym and I’m repping 225 like it’s nothing? What’s going on? I finish my set and look around. Nothing seems to have changed about me other than the fact that I can now bench 225 for reps. I get a call from a random number.

“Hello Andrew this is Dr. Phillips calling as an update of your health since the accident. We did some more studies and we concluded that your condition was related to the accident and that it will progressively grow over time. The next chance you get, we request for you to schedule another appointment with us. Thank you and bye bye now.”

This isn’t anything that I wanted. This wasn’t supposed to be how my life went. I was so much better than this. The pain in my head keeps growing like demons clouding my thoughts. I know what I must do to stop this endless curse.

I return to the spot that started this all. I see that retched metal tube of water that ruined my life. This is our last fight buddy. I wrap my arms around it and tear it out of the concrete. The pressure explodes but it does nothing to me because of this “condition.” I look down into its soul while it’s in my arms and I whisper to it,

“This is Andrew W.K. and this is Destroy, Build, Destroy.”

-The Pige

February 13, 2021 by miztapigeon Categories: UncategorizedTags: benching, comedy, death, fake story, fire hydrant, just for fun, random, story Leave a comment

My Wife Got Chlamydia From Online Porn

Doggystyle?!! We’re not animals! I know my wife better than that. She may have a habit of getting her hand stuck in the car door, and I am a handy man myself. When it comes to blue collar jobs however, it’s a no go for me. Growing up in the church, I assumed that all women weren’t like my wife.

Look, I know what a succubus is alright? I literally live in the church. I just had no idea that my sweet little angel would act like this. We were just at the county fair enjoying the food when a group of guys walked by dressed as medieval knights. They were quoting absurd things like necromancy and she started to chime in. It’s like she became a completely different person!

After talking to them for 15 minutes, she seemed a little off. I asked her how she knew all of this stuff and she basically shrugged me off. So later that night, I made sure to stay up and make sure she knew I wasn’t awake. What happened absolutely shocked me.

She left the house at 2:40AM. I knew exactly where she was heading. I followed her to one of the large tents at the fair. She had no idea that I was watching from afar. I-I can’t describe what I saw because I get sick. Those men, the cameras, the…I know now that I can never look at her the same again. Later that week, I started faking a bad cough and recommended her to go to the hospital.

The results came in. I had no idea that she was like this. I’ve been married to her for so long. I know I have it too. I-I just. I have to go now. There’s nothing else left to say.

-Pige

December 23, 2020 by miztapigeon Categories: UncategorizedTags: comedy, fake story, sex, story, succubus Leave a comment

The Time I Lost My Wife In a Hang-gliding Incident

It was 2008. At the time, my wife and I were struggling sexually. Not in an erectile dysfunction type of way, but in an adventurous way. We needed to spice things up a little yaknow? So one morning, we saw an ad in the paper.

We knew that this was exactly what we needed. It was the quickest unanimous decision her and I ever made. We knew that Boise didn’t offer much, but goddamn this was something. The fee wasn’t much either. I’m not telling you cuz that’s none of your business. What you do need to know, however, is how quick that 2 hour drive was. We were so excited that we didn’t even pack lunch.

We treated the whole introductory course like we weren’t going to plow the hell out of each other so we didn’t get the instructors suspicious. The minutes felt like hours as we were anticipating the best experience we were ever going to have. It was a cool, sunny day at around 73°F with mild winds. Perfect for hang doin. We drove to the drop site and waited for the right time.

And we have a liftoff! The cool wind grazing against my body only elevated my excitement. I know what I must do.

I signal my wife to open her legs. I make a dive for it. I know that the instructors on the ground are watching but I have been anxious for TOO long. The positioning and timing is perfect. And just like that…I’m in. Our dreams have come true as we are the only people in the world that are currently having sex whilst mid glide, probably. Everything is perfect.

Everything was perfect. The hang glides got intertwined and caused us to come spiraling towards the earth. We knew what we had to do. So right after finishing, we cut the lines and prepared to parachute to the surface. But for some reason, her parachute was still connected to the glide. She tried to escape but it seems that fate had other plans for her.

They heard my name and they’ve heard my desires. I will not confess to these accusations. The satisfaction and glory of the prosecutor will not be met. The judge heard my case. The jury didn’t seem to meet the agreement, however. So, after 14 years they finally got me. They finally got the Hang Glide Killer.

December 7, 2020December 7, 2020 by miztapigeon Categories: UncategorizedTags: comedy, hangglide, just for fun, serial killer, sex, story Leave a comment